Oh, I know your pain! I'm currently in the midst of a small backslide myself. I've been working my 180 for about 5 wks now and H noticed. It has been calm since I started and now HE is trying to engage w/talks about relationship. We just had one the other night and now I'm a mess. Trying to get back to detached with H still at home!
I struggled for nearly a year but I also didn't know about DB until November. It is just plain hard to realize how much we can't do. No amount of rationalizing will reach them, no amount of loving will reach them, nothing other than their own agenda right now. They are in so much pain. I've been able to reach a place with H that I can see the little boy in him that was so very, very sensitive and then with all the pain from his childhood, how that has shut him down long before "we" were.
The idea in DB that I could "fake it till I make it" while working on detachment became my mantra the first couple of weeks along with lots of prayer. The reality that I can't help H hurts every day. Yes, I want my marriage very much. No, I can't make my husband see what an amazing life he has and what a gift it is to have someone want to love you for you. I have given H to God and pray for strength every day to just wait.
There is peace for you! Get outside (great distraction), join a new club (I'm going to start with a local hiking group!), find a new hobby (I started knitting again), get support (I have a prayer partner, a wonderful friend and access to a counselor sometimes), focus on your girls - do new things together if they're willing. Getting out of the pain is tough, but it will get easier.
H42 M42 S11, D8, D6 M 18 T 25 BD 10-11 H 2nd MLC in progress (1st interrupted) H Still home but doesn't want to be
