TheUF - Changing gears - Dropping the rope?

[theUF]

As this ties into your 180 on learning how to say no.

Good work my friend.

Thank you.
That is one of the things I feel I need to work on. Saying no(justifiably) regardless of others reaction to it. Of course this is not done in a day, and I'm sure I'll mess up. But it is a process to go through.

I have to admit. At the moment I declined to call I had the feeling she would get upset, and for a short moment I felt uneasy and thought to myself "did I just mess up?"

I guess that shows this fear of rocking the boat that has build up in me.
Of course I have to be careful not to swing the pendulum too far. I don't want to rock the boat just to show that I can/dare lol

If she is fit to be a mother then you co-parent.

Yes she is. She has been a great mother, I expect her to still be although I can't see it first hand.

Only negative I've seen IRONICALLY is that she complaints about never seeing S b/c she is always working day and night. "MIL" often watches him on her time, so she can work. Her biggest complaint about me was that I was always working instead of spending time with S(and her).
I'm not being self-righteous about it, and haven't pointed it out to her. I spent far too much time at work the first year, and these couple of months doesn't make up for that.

In fact, I think it would just solidify her decision to separate.

That's what I worry about.

Maybe because she's not noticing? Only UF can answer that.

She is noticing some of it. She has mentioned a couple of positive changes she has seen, as well as a couple of issues which haven't changed. Mainly listening and remembering.

I have bought a writing pad, where I write down important things to remember. YES, it's that bad I struggle a bit with my memory, the side-effects of my occupation might have contributed to that, hard to say. But regardless, some techniques might help me get better at it.

UF - You talk about trying to stop yourself from becoming bitter but is that really what you are doing?

I do believe it is. She was contacting me quite a bit last time she needed help, and once it was done she was straight back to being distant. Of course, that brings some resent. I know it comes down to my expectations, which I should not have.
I know also, this is a process of changing, which might mean to drop the ego.

I have seen her manipulative side, especially towards other(easier to see from the outside), and I don't want to be treated like that.

BUT

I'm not dismissing what you're saying Valeska19. You make valid points. So does chatterbug. I'm just superconfused right now, not knowing exactly what to do with this.

As I said, her complaint was rather my procrastinating than never helping out. And I do my best to kill that. Paperwork, S-related stuff, arrangements etc. I do it straight away, or at least as soon as possible.

Time will tell if she is cake-eating, or testing you.. be patient.

True.



If someone has an opinion, please feel free to chime in.