Night before last, lights off, sleep moments away, W thanks me for all the things I took care of during her mom's crisis. Short, sweet statement, not a conversation. I slept good that night. She communicated her gratitude. While you say it was "not a conversation" it is not clear to me if that's b/c you didn't say a word, or what. But she gave thanks to you. This is a good thing, right? I mean, are you upset by it or happy?
I'm happy about it. She made about a five word statement, I made a two word acknowledgement, that was it. "Not a conversation" just meant that it was brief. "I slept good" was too cryptic - it meant that I was very pleased, reassured, content. See, I don't need much, and it ain't just about sex. But I do need to write clearer.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Funeral yesterday, lots of crying exhausted W. She didn't look for any comfort from me. SIGH...why is this about you? Why can't she be sad HER way?
She is! I'm carefully responding to her cues! I'm not making demands of her. I'm not accusing her of anything. I'm not pouting in the corner. I'm relating some what's going through my head to an anonymous message board in an effort to sort it out for myself. Don't you ever have a struggle between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, even though the angel wins out most of the time? What do you expect me to do? Just shut down emotionally for months on end until she's ready to move on? Do you really think that's healthy?
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
W's sister sought out her husband's embrace several times after the guests had left. W stayed away from me. Kept up my mantra - not rejection, it's grieving space. Man, you are hard on her. Just Leave her be. Stop comparing. Lose the scorecard. Stop making this about you and how she treats YOU and how YOU Feel, come on...
I say don't even go there, for AT LEAST 90 days. I mean really a good 6 months but THIS WEEK at the funeral you are judging her and how you feel and if she grabs your hand and blah blah blah??
This must be a nightmare for her.
See above.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
But again, lights off, sleep coming soon, she opened up about how she's feeling, moving into a different grief phase from relief to loss, the day. that's great! This is called "intimacy"...it's not just about sex for women (or men I hope).
Slept well, just not long enough.
Why did you start the sentence with "But again"....as if to say she didn't want sex, AGAIN...
of course she didn't. She just buried her mother and you are staring at her with your "needs" and the ONLY WAY she can show you she cares is sex??
You won't admit it but it sure looks that way. She told you important grateful things AND shared her emotions too....but it's not enough for you?
Yes, this was some of that verbal intimacy I've said has been missing. "But again" was drawing a parallel to the night before when she opened up briefly. "Slept well" was also a too cryptic way of saying I was greatly pleased by this bit of intimate conversation that she initiated (Remember, I'm not supposed to be prodding her).
I appreciate you challenging the clarity of my writing, but you're injecting some things in my sitch that aren't there.
