Thank you Bright Future for your insights. H knew very well how to make me happy. I told him very clearly and gave him positive feedback when he did things that I liked. He CHOSE not to do these things out of anger and resentment. This is what H told me.
I don't know if I am doing the right thing, but I am friendly, happy, and respect his boundaries. He hates lots of talking so I keep things light. It's tricky because of the therapy...but it was his idea originally, and he really seems to like it...so we go and hope for the best. The exercises are useful and in some ways we are making progress.
But then again...who knows? he LIES so much. I never thought much of a Facebook friend he had, but now have discovered that their friendship is deeper--at least on his side. He kept it secret from me--she is happily married and lives halfway across the country, has no idea that I didn't know they were friends. I told him it was an emotional affair and he said he never thought about it that way, and agreed that maybe it was. Said he would end it. I asked him why--if he wanted to leave--just leave and keep the friendship for support. And he said--no, he wanted to end the friendship anyway. couldn't tell me why. but there you go.
