It took a while for me to come up with the answer to your question of what do I miss.
I miss trusting H. I miss believing him when he says he'll do something. I miss the security I had when I thought he had my back. I miss dreaming up and planning fun things that we could do together, without all the baggage and knowledge I have now that ruins it before it even begins. I miss being relaxed around him, instead of always fearing the next surprise, something new and hurtful that he does without even trying. I miss thinking that we were going to grow old together, happy and loving each other, one of those old couples that still hold hands when they walk together. I miss my present and future as I imagined it.
