Hi strangers! Haven't posted in awhile, been busy.... and a lot has happened with H, it seems like the signal from the mother ship has been broken, or at least temporarily interrupted! LOL
Let's back up a bit. My friend was induced the evening of the 30th, she had her beautiful baby girl early the morning of the 31st.
When I got home that evening I was exhausted from entertaining the other 2 kids. As I walked in the door H's mom called to invite him (us?) to dinner that evening. He said he would let her know. H asked if I wanted to go. I told him honestly if he did, that was fine, but I had a headache and was exhausted from the children and would love to stay home. He said he didn't want to go either, so we stayed home together.
We had a good time, went to the store and got some junk food, and then watched some movies, went to bed before the ball drop. He's still in the other room btw.
The Sunday before New Year's Eve there was a store I wanted to go to but it had snowed, H suggested waiting till later in the day, which I did. He asked if I still wanted to go and he drove me. He picked then to have a "talk". It was actually a really good talk, and even though these last 14 months he may not have said much to me he apparently has been working things out internally. Who would have guessed LOL.
I did a great job of validating and keeping my mouth shut, except for when appropriate (I did get a little teary at times). He said to me, "You're a good person and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't" and "I don't want you to take this the wrong way (which I didn't, I took this as a compliment) but I know I could never do better than you." He said he thinks "this last year helped him see that" and "he's missed me." He also told me he never had an affair, but definitely thought about it.
He said, "I know you think I was depressed, etc..." So I thought for a minute and remembered a conversation with my pastor's wife when she said, "If he doesn't want to call it depression then don't, why do you need to label it?" I said to him, "I think you are on a journey and I bet it is has been very confusing and scary for you." He gave me a look, not quite sure what it was, maybe, wow she gets it, IDK. It was a long conversation, and far too much to type.
Later that evening we went to his sister's, I finally got to meet our niece, the visit went well. His sister was nice to me, it was a little strange, but I kept reminding myself I did nothing wrong.
Since then he's not only telling me if he will be home late but telling me his plans, even texted once when he was going to be later than originally planned, he's been talking future tense about things pertaining to the both of us, he invited me to an upcoming match, has been telling me a lot about what he's done this last year..... brought some stuff out of "his" room that has been in there for over a year and put it where it goes in the house.
He has also helped me take down the Christmas tree, he did dishes, scrubbed the sink, vacuumed, swept the other floors and made a comment about doing spring cleaning.
Like I said we decided to take it one day at a time, and he is still in the other room. I am doing my very best not to overwhelm him or make him feel pushed in any way (it's hard sometimes), I look at all of these little things as signs of progress, but have no expectations, however, always hopeful. I haven't seen monster since that big blow up about my friend. Since then there were only a couple of evenings he was distant, but I keep reminding myself he still has work to do. I don't bring up our R, I will wait for him to do that. I'm not sure how this part all works but I'm sure God will guide me through it....
Happy New Year everyone.... here's to new beginnings...
