You do what you need to do to keep your sanity. Don't drink the kool-aid he offers up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I started my new job today and it went well but I had a little panic attack. My h stopped by his moms last night to tell her we were having trouble. She figured that out on her own but he didn't tell her about the affair. I have a gut feeling he is paving the road to begin staging an exit. He told me not to worry that he told his mom it was him not me but him. She asked him some questions and made a comment that she never saw my husband put his arm around me.
I reflect on my marriage and I know that I have some fault as well but many times I was disrespected and others noticed. My one daughter is very angry at h because of the affair. My son said he will not be like his dad to his kids. The marriage counselor once said that sometimes women in my position who divorce feel a big weight lifted. Somtimes when I think of not having to deal with him a sense of relief. Today a little panic.
H is going to visit a cousin in California to get away. I still think he is lying and talkin to ow. If I get confirmation of that I will b done because I will never trust him again. Actually I don't trust him now.
Congratulations on the new job! YOu will do great and it's a nice opportunity to get out of the house for a bit.
I think you are correct in the fact that your h is paving his exit out of the marriage by telling his mother. I'm sure he didn't tell her he was having an affair. My xh denied his affair w/the twinkle twat for a long time.
The marriage counselor is absolutely correct. I know that once the divorce was finalized, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders because I knew that I didn't have to deal w/his crazymaking ways ever again because he couldn't threaten or try to tell me what to do. It was wonderful to know that I never had to worry about getting nasty letters in the mail, nasty phone calls at work or deal w/his crazy lawyer ever again. I think anyone who has dealt w/what we have, will feel the same way. Quite frankly, I never had a sad moment once the ink was dry on the decree because he had put me through h@ll and back.
Time will tell if he really does go to CA and if the ow is tagging along. The evidence will appear when you least expect it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know he is going to see his cousin for sure . It's not that I think she's going. I just feel like he's checked out even though he says he doesn't know. His actions speak loud. He's sneaking into the basement and a bathroom to text. I feel mad that he doesn't just fess up and I don't know how he can sleep at night .
Rachael, They usually don't confess because they know what they are doing is wrong. Oh, yeah, they don't want to hurt us. If he were to admit what he's doing is wrong, etc., then he would have to face his issues and they are too painful right now and yes, he would also have to deal w/the fall out of what he's done and continues to do.
You are right...actions speak louder than words.
BTW, he checked out of the marriage emotionally about 1-2 years prior to dropping the bomb on you. Unfortunately, you weren't advised of how he felt at that time.
Hang in there and please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
when I did some stand up comedy in the middle of my h's MLC, I quoted him a few times. Turns out these are universal comments the MLCer makes.
"Come on baby, we can work this out" = "you can take this crap... AND MORE"
"I would have told you 'X', but I didn't want to hurt you."
= "I'm a HERO, gallantly trying to protect you".
I mean, it's as if they've done a heroic noble thing by lying and they just glance away from the underlying wrong, which they compound by lying more...
I think I once told my h,
"H, let me get this straight.
First you betray me, then you lie about it, you do it again, then lie again,
AND now that you're caught, you say you were 'only trying to PROTECT' me"??
Wow h, if that's not what a hero is, I don't know what is."
yes, It's a little bit insane...In short, Rachel, It's Not you, it's him.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks. I am just having a bad evening. This job is what I need to be out amongst people. I'm learning to cashier at a large auto firm in the cafeteria and the people are so nice! Its hectic but I will learn and it'll keep my mind off things. Now I need to gather information on finances and consult a lawyer in person instead of byphone to be prepared for what may come maybe that'll help me feel like I have some control.
Thanks I am worried about my financial sitch. H has a good job but just got himself a new car. We have some loans too. I could never pay em but he'd have to pay alimony. Ugh. Sorta depressing.
Rachael, Definitely set up an appointment and meet w/a lawyer to see what your options will be. If the loans are in his name, he may end up having to pay them himself. The same would apply to the new auto.
I'm glad you are working and meeting new people. You need a change of scenery and when you are working, your focus is on work and not your h.
Please don't put off seeing a lawyer, i.e., knowledge is power.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
