Oh, no, you shouldn't feel embarrassed! I totally get it, though. I've done the same thing with my sitch, feeling like I was a complete fool to think I could easily manage the problems inherent in step-families. It's just so much easier to see from the outside, that you aren't responsible for your H's alcoholism. Besides, you were probably pre-programmed for it by your parents, in the environment you were raised. I actually think you should be proud, you're doing really well, considering. The trick will be not stepping into it again in another R.
Meeting him in the middle.... I've typed and deleted 3 paragraphs already. I'm not sure how to answer this in the current state. In the Christmas example, I feel like I was already extending myself on behalf of him and his kids, especially given our history. He wasn't doing anything for me, but then still expected more from me. In the sleeping arrangements, I was willing to accommodate his request of sleeping together if he wore his CPAP, but he didn't want to do that. Currently, I'm having a hard time defining what that would look like. There's such little common ground anymore.
Did I say something about fairy tales? I don't remember that. I admit I wasn't ready for the problems of a step-family. I knew there would be some, but didn't expect their mother to be so vindictive, even sacrificing her own children, and certainly wasn't expecting it from H. I also knew that M required a lot of compromise, but I didn't realize it would be so one-sided. So, yes, I was surprised by some things, but I'm definitely not looking for a fairy tale, never was. In spite of that, the fact is that my H lies to me. Even if I have a reasonable, practical image of M, how do I factor that in? I find it unacceptable too.
I read a description somewhere today that fits my M, I think. I feel like I'm living a life of quiet disappointment. I'm am just so disappointed that my M is so far off from what I invested so much in and worked so hard to create. And there's no point fighting against it, because H is who he is. I've stopped hoping for more and just imagine my future without him. It's sad how deep it runs, even my dreams at night don't include him.
Besides the humorous beach analogy you posted earlier, what can you still imagine with your H? Maybe it would plant a seed in me.
