Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 8

[25yearsmlc]

I was once a major league worrier. I must have believed, subconsciously, that by worrying, I'd somehow lessen the chance of something bad happening.

I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, (which IS a common ACOA trait). Growing up, we learned never to trust the peace b/c we knew It'd end any minute, "so we gotta be ready!"

And we learned to prepare for AND expect the worst, and NEVER to hope for the best...we did not think we deserved it, or it just wasn't in the cards for us.

IT was at EE that it hit me that God/Life does not work that way.


Life does not hurt us MORE, b/c we didn't worry about it. Life didn't punish us, let alone BECAUSE we were happy.

I calculated the amount of time I had wasted worrying about things that would never happen OR would happen no matter what I did or thought.

And I had spent an hour a day, (or 3-8 hours per day in times of crises or depression), for years. I was worrying about things I had no control over. And the worrying improved nothing.

In fact, the worrying and negative expectations greatly lessened the joys I felt in my life.

Even when things were wonderful, there was always a voice in the back of my head warning me NOT to think this could last...

I also realized that my worrying/obessing actually CAUSED some bad things to happen.

How ironic is that?

In sum, I had literally wasted YEARS of my precious life, feeling anger or sadness, or other negative emotions, for nothing.


I had created anxiety in my life and in my body, for events that never happened or would have anyhow.

I CREATED problems in my life - and in the lives of my loved ones, for nothing.

I had polluted the joy life was giving me by always looking over my shoulder for a monster, instead of just embracing it as the gift it was/is. All b/c of fears that were not justified.

So I changed. Yes, I really did. My worrying for nothing, is about 10% of what it was. And when I'm conscious of it, I let it go completely.

It's odd but true, that when we get sad or angry, we let ourselves really feel it in full. We are "100%" there in our pain and misery...

So, Why don't we do the same with our joy? why do we let THAT emotion get stained by our worrying?

When good things happen to worriers, they let nagging doubts keep popping up, and this can be contagious. They don't trust others either.

They don't forgive or let go of the past hurts, b/c they think if they forgive, somehow the forgiven person is more likely to repeat the behavior that was so painful. But the data shows us the opposite is true.

In other words, if you forgive someone and mean it, the chance of them repeating the behavior is LESS than if you hold it over their head or refuse to let it go.

In sum, your negative attitude and worrying may be understandable given your childhood. But so what? You can't make your parents responsible for your choices today, and you can't do that with your wife either.

(HER work is hers to do, yours is yours to do. Stay in your sandbox and leave her in hers. This is NOT about or because of her.)

You have to change the obsessing and worrying b/c it makes YOU miserable and it's totally unproductive

AND it hurts the relationships in your life.

When you begin to believe you actually deserve to be happy, perhaps you won't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. (EE will help you with this).

You've wasted enough years of your life feeling bad about things that either never happened, or were going to happen anyhow.

YEARS of your life PON...it's a lot like being in a prison of your own making.

Don't you want to be free soon?