Thank you for the replies. I'm in a total panic today so I'm trying to remember the breathing. The panic attacks are bad, have been better the past couple months but I'm feeling the stress today.
He texted me last night about trying to reconnect with upset D15. I still don't know how to handle that... I gave him a road map back in October about what he needed to do to make D15 feel better. Mainly, take responsibility for your actions and tell her he's sorry! Sorry for not trying and sorry for all the lies! He chose not to do it, now months later he has had practically no communication with D15 but still continues to try to see D17 a couple times a month. So now he's reaching out, "I'd like to talk to you about how to connect with D15. she doesn't answer my texts". Not my problem. But at the same time, I want what's best for my daughter. How to proceed?
I have to see him tonight for this meeting. I don't know how we'll get through it, filing for college aid in the first place. Nothing legal has been drawn up yet. And I want to keep hope. I want to expect nothing. But the two seem at such opposite odds, how does one manage?
I feel like I've given so much belief to the man I thought he was that this HAS to be MLC. And then that makes me think it's worth trying to have hope. He's hurt me so badly but I still love him so. And he's so nice to me still, it's a cruel trick. He picked up D17 last night and said I looked nice, why does he do that? But that's the whole problem with the way he left and everything, is that he's always been nice. Too nice to be a man and have courage to tell me what he was really feeling.
Get through tonight, then I need to start detaching again! I haven't had to see him for about a month so these feelings that I thought I had moved past are back. I realize now it was just a temporary reprieve.
