What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[AJM]

He has even gone as far as saying maybe he should push it since nobody can stop him. My repose to that months ago was for him not to read my silence as weakness, he agreed out loud. He said at times he's scared of me.

Yeah, I get you. My ex has done similar. She pushed as much as she felt she could. She pushed to get me to divorce her, hit her, etc. I did none of those things, because I realized what was happening. I didn't like it. It doesn't feel good. But it is real. It is happening. She didn't like it either. I wasn't following the script and so she made up stories and such to help her justify the way she felt and her actions. In a way, she was trying to fix herself without the help of others. It started as her being depressed, spending more time at the gym, with "new" friends, etc. Then she got rid of the old friends altogether and dropped the bomb on me. In her mind, I think she was still doing it all. Parenting, etc. But reality is, she wasn't. She then had conflicted feelings and eventually shut them down altogether. They came back as anger as she decided the issue must be me. Even then, she couldn't look me in the eye. More stories, more crazy, etc. Rinse, repeat, etc.

Even now, after she is remarried to the OM, living on her own, has finished her degree, is working and appears to have it all (I know), she still antagonizes me when she thinks she can get away with it. Why? I think her issues are still not resolved.

I could get the same benefit from spitting in the wind as I could from pushing back against her, or fighting it, etc. Except if I spit in the wind, I would at least get a consistent response (hey, I'm a guy. It's my analogy. )

Don't get me wrong, btw, I'm not perfect and never was. There are some things I've changed since because of knowing about them. But this not about me. I have to remind myself, even now, very often. She tests me regularly.

As for how do you know if they hit bottom? What's the difference? You'll know if they come back to you or not, but you may never know why or if they hit bottom. You're looking for the wrong signal if you ask me. I would know, I did it for a long time too

Hey nero - Life is GREAT!!! Don't let anyone tell you differently. It may not be what you planned or hoped for, but it is AWESOME and FANTASTIC every day. Some days are better than others, but they are all good days

Peace,

AJ