trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[MrBond]

"and the reasons for me leaving are much more clear to me now. I did feel at the time of posting that I did "abandon" my daughter but that is not the case and I have been working with a therapist to see that that is simply not true. I felt that way because of the emotional stress I was under and the guilt that I felt."

See that's what you don't understand. Even though YOU came up with a revelation of why you did what you did, it doesn't do any good to the people who were on the receiving end of your actions.

"He was a father when he was FORCED to be a father and I do not mean that to sound harsh but that is the reality."

That is YOUR understanding. Men and women interpret things differently. I'm sure he did things for and with your D that were important to him but you didn't notice or don't think they were important because they weren't important to you. That's just the reality of all relationships.

"But he could have told me he was done and was moving on instead of telling me he loved me and would wait for me while I worked through my issues all the while seeing OM behind my back."

No he probably was honest with you. But as time went on and his needs weren't being met then he saw someone else. I mean did you meet any of his needs while you were in MLC without argument or being huffy about it? Again, just being devil's advocate.

"I no longer blame only myself. Our marriage broke down because of both of us."

True. But you were the one who checked out first. If you went out with other people and told him that he needed to stay home to watch your D while you were out doing your own thing, it is selfish and not fair.

"His priorities are OW, his jobs and his hobbies and activities. and THAT is what put me into a MLC. "

Your timeline seems to be jumping around. Did he have the OW before or during your MLC? And to be clear, it's not his hobbies, jobs or activities that put you in MLC. You put yourself in MLC. There's always a solution or a positive side of things. It just depends if someone chooses to focus on the negative rather than the positive. It's why so many marriages break up over time.