I get the focus thing. And I don't think there's anything wrong with taking time to grieve, even to feel sorry for yourself. It helps you to heal. Eventually, that will get old and you'll pick yourself up again. But it doesn't have to happen this minute. Just be gentle with yourself in the meantime.
You phrased it quite well regarding H's actions. Hard to feel important to him when he keeps demonstrating that I'm not.
Okay, yes, I think you and I were simply interpreting the word compromise differently. I don't think it's so much a standoff, because I would still be willing to meet in the middle. I'm simply not willing to go back to it being all about him. I think the current dynamic just demonstrates the dysfunction that exists at a deeper level.
I don't really blame the therapist. He's only working with what H presents. H clearly doesn't want to talk, and the therapist facilitated H's need. Now if H had asked the therapist for a more healthy way to discuss issues, then I'm sure he would have gotten a completely different answer.
I sort of feel like a fly on the wall lately. Since I stopped talking to H (not entirely, just anything of a personal or emotional nature) my attitude has really warped. We drove to visit his family this weekend. It's a 6-hour drive one-way. In the past, we would have spent the majority of that time arguing. This time, we didn't spend one second. It was relatively silent, but not uncomfortable. At one point, H asked if there was anything I wanted to discuss and I said no. Was he just baiting me? Is he exhibiting some co-dependent tendencies? I don't know. There was only one moment where I expressed something slightly deeper than fru-fru level, not even about him or us, and H immediately shut down. I found it humorous, because you could almost hear the crickets. In the past I would have been angry and pursued, but instead I just chuckled to myself and picked up my book. I feel sorry for him. But sadly, it also makes me feel like he's a coward, and I find that very unattractive.
I really don't miss the conversations. They weren't productive. I never felt heard. His response to anything I said was, "I know, but...." I don't know what his game plan is now. He has a hard enough time managing when I tell him exactly what I want/feel. I can't imagine what he's going to do now.
