I am seeing my lawyer next week and I spoke to a legal aid lawyer today, they give out free advice. My friend who is a paralegal is also calling me tonight. I posted another thread called "is it time to drop the rope".

The legal aid lawyer told me that H can go ahead and ask for 50 50 custody but I can so no and he will probably not get it based on the current status quo.

We have nothing whatsoever in writing, just my emails and letters begging him to come home and be a family. I never agreed to 50 50 custody and ive told him from the start I would never agree to that.

I too think he is in a MLC and it probably is brought on by my past behaviour. He actually said that to me during a heated argument quite some time ago. He doesn't look happy ever when I see him and he said he is miserable (and blames me for that too).

MrBond, I appreciate your honesty but many things have transpired since my original post and the reasons for me leaving are much more clear to me now. I did feel at the time of posting that I did "abandon" my daughter but that is not the case and I have been working with a therapist to see that that is simply not true. I felt that way because of the emotional stress I was under and the guilt that I felt.

I won't get into it all here but I really have been her primary caregiver EVEN during my mid life crisis. He was a father when he was FORCED to be a father and I do not mean that to sound harsh but that is the reality.

He absolutely has a right to go for any type of custody he so chooses and I do completely understand that I hurt him and did not support him emotionally for a very long time. I have from the very beginning taken my responsiblity for this. But that has to do with him, not our daughter. But he could have told me he was done and was moving on instead of telling me he loved me and would wait for me while I worked through my issues all the while seeing OM behind my back.

In the 5 months he has been with OW, he has barely spent any time with D, and barely calls. His priorities are OW, his jobs and his hobbies and activities. and THAT is what put me into a MLC. I got the attention from someone else (not a man mind you) because I was not getting it from HIM. When we adopted our daughter, it was "ok she has a kid now so she's happy" and his life went on and has continued to do so til this day.

I have been working very hard with a psychologist to figure out what happen and why and as much as I blamed myself ENTIRELY 5 months ago, I no longer blame only myself. Our marriage broke down because of both of us.

I love him, I always have and he told me he loved me, right up until I found out about OW. I miss him and still want to be a family again but my daughter is my priority and always has been and always will be.