Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 8

[25yearsmlc]

Man is it nice having Ala non support via phone. I talked to lady today about my anxiety of this
"One thing I am paranoid about is I forget to delete some email threads between me and my ACOA sponsor."

She help me understand to let it go. That the communication was about your personal growth and if it upset her its on her.

while it is true^^ about your personal growth, it's also weird that you "forget" to delete them. Do you think it is possibly passive aggressive behavior on your end? I mean, this way she can find the negative feedback, and hear what you feel, without you having to face her...just a thought.


That in the future we will talk and do nothing via email.


GOOD. Lesson learned, Problem solved. So if a problem is being worked on, it's not a problem anymore. So we Let it go. There's Nothing else to do.

That I offered her ammends by stating "please feel free to tell me anything that bothers you in the future"


just curious, how is telling her to let you know when something bothers her, an "amend"? As I understand it, making amends requires that you own a mistake of yours & apologize for any hurt caused by that mistake.

It is really nice having a support system outside of friends and family. This is really what I need.

Support systems are key to living a good life. Eventually you'll see that you create your support system in life. Those who are not supportive of you, will matter less & less. (Other than family members or bosses, who we MUST be around, you can avoid nearly all unsupportive people in your llfe).

The key is learning that you cannot FORCE (or manipulate) someone into becoming supportive of you, or to approve of you. At EE, You will learn to affirm yourself and to give yourself your own stamp of approval.

If you have a critical alcoholic parent, you cannot make them love you in a healthy way. You cannot change them. AND You cannot re-do your childhood.
It was, what it was.

You MAY be able to have a healthier r w/that parent, from this day forward. You will also learn how to let go of the past, which we all must do.

BTW, My r with my alcoholic father vastly improved after EE, and I learned not to care much about what my MIL believed about me as a mother/wife. Her data was not real.

So it mattered about as much as the homeless guy who hangs out at the local gas station, & calls women over 30, BAD names. I recall once wondering to myself, if it was "something I was wearing" that triggered him. Think about how wacky that was!

Then it dawned on me that "he's a homeless man who knows nothing of me! Why do I care what HE says? He's mentally ill and doesn't know me!"

Similarly, when others judge us, and their data isn't real, it matters NOT. If their data IS real, and we have a problem to work on, we begin solving it.

And like I said earlier, a problem being solved, is no longer a problem.

So I learned to let go of caring about that stuff, at all.

When you learn how to feel good about yourself, and how to feel "darn good enough" in your life, you'll stop trying to make someone approve of you, and you'll stop needing their support.

and this will increase the peace in your life, and greatly reduce the conflict.