Wife lost in the MLC-We are now separated 2

[sam4nh]

Well today is a depressing day. Noting major going on with the W just feel depressed. She’s been posting things to Facebook. Nothing about any new “friend”, but pictures of our boat and wanting to be on it with a nice cocktail, her New Year’s Eve night out with several of our boating friends and captioned “New Year's Eve Dinner with great friends!!, and out visiting “old” friends (no names inserted???). I get the distinct impression she wants me to react to these posting by commenting or liking the pictures. I’ve chosen to do nothing and to steer clear of Facebook all together.

One of the major issues we’ve had over the last two years since she’s been in her emotional affair is that she’s “shared” a lot of our personal issues, her feelings and a lot of my feelings with this person and ALL of her friends and family. I feel is so they can validate and affirm her feelings in wanting to leave the marriage. I’ve always felt these people interfered with our marriage and she took direction from them so that she could justify her feelings. This made me very insecure (I know this is my issue) and I’ve been working on these for several months. The insecurity has been one big grip from her. I guess I could place the blame back on her saying she caused it with her EA and talking to everyone about us and that’s why I am so insecure, but the truth is I own this and I’m working on being a stronger person. I choose to not involve all of my friends in family in my personal business and I believe that the way she’s chosen to approach the situation is to get as many people on her “side” so she does not look like the “bad” person. I believe that’s call “rewriting our relationship”.

I’ve also been listening to the book called Boundaries in Marriage. At first I thought it was making me feel better and learning where and how to place boundaries on myself, but today listening to it more makes me feel like a failure and a control freak. I didn’t think I was as controlling person as this seems to indicate I am and that I could be the main cause of most of my Ws issues during our marriage. I agree that I probably do have controlling tendencies, but I want to grow from that and not be the type of person.

One thing during our MC the therapist and I tried to put boundaries around the M and my W would screen and shout (literally) that these were nothing but controls and she would not abide by anything she thought was controlling. And I’ll tell you everything was controlling in her eyes.

I’m almost to the point where I want to give up and file the f*ing divorce myself and be the bad person. I was talking to mutual friend the other night at dinner and he was saying that it appears my W and I have gone down two very separate paths and he cannot see how we could ever get back on the same path together with all of the lies and trust issues. I really feel the same a lot of the time lately. I think more now that she’s stopped communicating with me and I feel abandoned.

On a positive note, I am going out with friends more often and starting mediation. First class is tonight!