Hi Nero, I think I'm doing it the hard way also but if I really want to keep up with a thread that I wrote on I go into, my stuff - posts, to at least check on those I have written to. If I have a favorite I need to read and read, there're a few, I bookmark it, cause those are usually the ones for when I'm upset.
The site itself stays in my favorite or most visited...the first page of my search engine. It's really about searching for me, but I love research, I like when I stumble upon something new and useful.
You have to read the link on my thread it is such a revealing story, sad , true, and I learned some thing new for myself. On the left side bar there are other interesting reads as well.
I read that this is the worse thing we can go through and in some cases it's worse than being a widow, at least the dead don't taunt you, it's just over and you live with your beautifull memories. I'm glad I read that cause I have been thinking it, oh have I ever, especially when he screams for it, I'm like "do you hear him".
But, I have to learn more and more everyday not to focus on him and learn who I am....ok it's hard for me but its my only way to move on, I really want out of here. I can't imagine another summer alone on my porch watching Netflix alone at night just to get away from him on the couch or cause he's galavanting around town.
I don't want to care anymore....at all, until he, if he, wakes up, but I'm not waiting, he would have to come find me. Meanwhile I need a life...not shopping, eating out, driving to further malls just to be out. I need to really have some meaning, something,someone to make me smile when I get up in the morning.
I see you get up very early, I know your east coast, I have this habit of sleeping in late so I don't have to face the day, then stay up late because the night doesn't have a weather pattern, it's not partly sunny or gray, it's just night, I have s.a.d. So it's another thing to add to may sadness.
Your still more active than I, but I was never good at busy work. I'm thinking of going back into doing the carpentry around here I used to be pretty strong and pull out toilets and drywall, in my own house. H and I got close like that when we met, he was a hard working carp who taught me a lot at a rehab place he bought, good honest man he was.
