I am so sorry about your pain. I know how it feels and I cannot imagine going through what you are while pregnant.
I wanted to address the detaching with you. You must do that for your own sake. But I think there is a difference between detachment and anger. I think that shows through to our S's. This is not to say that you don't have every right in the world to be angry, you do, but you have to put it away. Someone explained to me that I needed to detach but "be the safe haven." Meaning, I had to detach but not be judgmental and angry. If he contacted me, I was cordial. If he needed something that didn't violate a boundary, I happily did it. I know that OW was causing all sorts of issues and when he was talking to me, I was the "safe" one because I wasn't angry, accusing or judgmental. I had to be very very mindful that I wasn't making decisions that hurt him. My H and I worked for the same company. OW did too. It would have been very easy for me to cause all kinds of trouble. To stand on my soapbox and explain how wronged I was. I didn't do that. I never uttered a word to anyone in the company. Did it hurt? You don't have a clue. I watched him and the OW go out for smokes together during the day, leave for lunch together and ultimately leave work together day after day. It stung bad. But I knew my H's self-esteem issues and I knew that making him feel guilty or judging him was going to drive him further and further away. I know you think everything is so wonderful with OW. Here's the thing. It isn't so wonderful as you think it is. You are his W still. That pisses her off. Every time you have interaction, that pisses her off (given your status as his W). You are pregnant. If you don't think that still eats at her, you're crazy. It does. And she is going to have outbursts about it. Your job? Be the safe haven. Don't ostracize him. That's what he wants. It makes it easier. I hope this makes sense.
