Marriage is a mess

[Marriageblues]

First of all, thank you for accepting me into this community. I will try hard to be respectful of everyone and the rules.

My wife and I wed 15 years ago. About 5 years into our marriage we started swapping with a couple that had been good friends of my wife from high school. It was great fun, and there was never any jealousy or dishonesty involved. When our girls were born about five years later we stopped playing with that couple and settled down to monogamy.

A little over two years ago my wife had an affair. Lots of lies and cover-ups until I finally confronted her with evidence, and she finally fessed up. We did MC for a year and things improved greatly.

About a year ago my wife mentioned she missed our playtimes with the other couple. I agreed to try swinging, this time a little more actively by joining a swingers website. We met several couples, and had some good times. Eventually my wife decided she didn’t much like same-room play (which is the what the majority of swingers enjoy), and much preferred separate room swapping. So we decided to open our marriage so that we could both have FWB’s. My wife was much more successful at this than I, getting several FWB’s right away. One in particular she developed feelings for, and we started discussing polyamory. I’ve always thought it would be a great lifestyle, because I’ve always felt I could love another the same way I love my wife, even though I don’t currently have someone else.

She starts texting with this guy excessively (thousands of times per month), and spending more and more time with him. She keeps finding excuses not to introduce me to him. Now she’s saying she doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore, and has now refused to have sex with me. She’s started sleeping in our guest bedroom. I’ve told her it’s not right to have sex with another guy and not her husband of fifteen years, but that is falling on deaf ears. She has grudgingly agreed to MC with a poly-friendly counselor. She keeps saying all the things you guys already know about: “I’ve been unhappy for a long time”, and “I’ve grown and you haven’t”, etc.