Yes I think that I have been focusing way too much on her coming back and not adressing my real underlying fears...Even if she came back I think I would still have my insecurities=== I worry that I can't do this alone...I worry that as my girls get older how am I going to support them and get them through the tough times I don't know what it is like to be a girl..I worry that I won't have enough money to retire...I worry that this country will soon be in economic collapse much worse than the great depression. I worry that I will be alone the rest of my life and these fears as irrational as they are have me chasing my tale like a crazy dog! I need to tackle them one by one..Having W back won't make things better if I still have these insecurities.. I realize I have not been alive for a long time...
eyes I went to read your sitch and only got to 10/24 what happened? I am curious to know where you are...I see a lot of similarities in my sitch and your except for the OM... I don't want to get D...D(11) asked me last night if I wanted to get back with W and I was honest and said that sometimes that I do and sometimes I don't but then I thought about and told her I love W very much and would like for her to come back...but I told her we would make it through this.....
W thinks that if we rush through this it will make it easier on d(11) and d(6)..she thinks this is what is hurting them most not knowing what is going to happen.
I am doing very well as of late. My PMA is as consistent as it has ever been, and I am working on forgiving myself for past mistakes. I am not completely detached, as some things my w says can still get to me. I do not talk about our m, nor do I say things that I wish later, I wouldn't have. Basically I have learned to keep my mouth shut.
The last few days I have had a sense of peace within me. I think I am starting back up the mountain so to speak. I think I am getting close to really letting her go, and it feels good. I don't post much on my own sitch anymore, because nothing seems to be happening, other than me becoming, well, me again.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I have had that sense of peace and thought ok now I am through the hard stuff and it lasted a few days and then something my W would say would bring me back to chasing my tail. It just shows me that I need to work more on me.
Not doing so good today...I am sick and was not able to go to my daughters birthday party...it is weird that this sickness gives me anxiety....about my sitch...
Well just journaling here a bit...am recouperating from sickness...and I did not like that a bit....it left me alone not able to do much but listen to my hamster brain....I am really hard on myself sometimes...it is hard for me to go with the flow and I want to be in control sometimes...it does not help that it is -11 here right now.....I am going to try and find some dance lessons to take...and some volunteer work that I can do...I am not so sure about the acting but it would be a fun thing to try...just don't know if I have it together enough to do that ....
I am a little nervous because W is back in contact with therapist friend of hers--- I don't think she is a good influence because she does not look at family as being an important focus....more important that you expeirence life to the fullest...don't let your family get in the way of that...etc...
I am a little nervous because W is back in contact with therapist friend of hers--- I don't think she is a good influence because she does not look at family as being an important focus....more important that you expeirence life to the fullest...don't let your family get in the way of that...etc...
Yeah, but anyone that gets your wife talking is beneficial. She needs to explore her thoughts and emotions. Sometimes having someone tell the WAS that they need to just completely let go is the trigger that makes them think that maybe that's not what they really want. So you never know. It's not worth worrying about.
Denver said that after his W returned he found out the people in her circle that he trusted the least turned out to be the ones that were pushing her towards reconciliation.
