House for sale. So Sad. Family Breaking Up (pt 2)

[Spartan]

So the different that she wants involves messing up kids, upheaving lives, creating so much hurt to others and herself and being outright mean rather than working together creating a climate that is different?

These are questions I was asking, and even asked W a couple months ago. Not one time has she ever given an answer that made sense or that she had even thought about her new future. All she said is she can't do it anymore and can't get the past out of her head (and in my sitch the past that she continuously mentions happened 10+ years ago). It was so tiring and depressing trying to figure out how she could do things without even talking with me about where she was that I was completely exhausted. I'm trying my hardest not to think about the why anymore and just write it off as her being crazy (probably not right wording there but hope you get the point). I'll never be able to rationalize it or see things the way she does.

When a person gets to the place where they are ready to leave a marriage, it's never one thing, it's usually lots of little things over time, the anger and resentment grow and then, they're done.

You can work forever to try to explain this to yourself in a logical manner but at some point you will have to accept that it is what it is and let go.

Much better said then my ramblings

[FloydMan]

Thanks Bug.
We definitely were not speaking each others LL. we read the book last year Nd it worked for a couple months as she was giving in my area but she refused to tell me what hers was. She said she was surprised at the result and did not want to tell me her LL. So maybe I spread all 5 a little thin....I don't know. Things were getting better until it was time, as per MC and me to deal with the trust. This is where it went off the rails again in the spring. The winter months last year were actually good and she admits to being in love again.
2 therapists and my GP say I am not depressed, but definitely down. Not clinically depressed though. I have anxiety and am on meds now for that...lightest dose possible. It does work.

[labug]

The book is about your partner being depressed and the fallout on you.

[FloydMan]

Right with you brother Spartan. Never get clarity directly. They either can't be honest with us and themselves or they are that confused.

[FloydMan]

Ahhhh thanks. I will look it up.

[FloydMan]

Thanks RLA,
That was a big part of the hurt was coming to terms of what happened. I had to deal with my own guilt, and still do about where we lost each other.
I have seen that movie and am now doing this stuff as part of my 180. I don't think they got back together in the end but there was happiness.....Hollywood can make up anything. Easier to write a script than to live it.
I must admit when W turned the tables weeks after begging and getting me on board to commit I did do what your H does. I was so angry for putting me through hell then pulling the rug out after I did everything she wanted. Yes, I was very angry for that and not living up to her many promises.
Since beginning of Nov I have had more of that attitude you are speaking of...puff out chest, ignoring her. It was hard at first and am uncomfortable ignoring someone (though that is what she does) but we will see how it goes. I can't let her control me the way she does. That is for sure.

[RegretfulLA]

As long as you have made the effort to truly understand her side of things, which it sounds as if you have, and you are truly open to making it work, which it sounds as if you are... then you have done what you can do. I feel as if I'm in the same boat. You can only do what it is in your power - you can't change her.

It is hard to drop the rope and let go, when you see your kids hurting and the house for sale and the dream is dying before your eyes. But ask yourself - is the rope a lifeline? Or is it strangling you? Putting that rope down is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but I think you're at the point where you need to focus on saving you, too.

[FloydMan]

Yes, definitely RLA.
She tried some small talk last night and I just have simple answers and went off to do what I wanted to do and that was play with daughters, cook dinner, tidyn up and read.. I do not initiate contact and staynaway from her. It is hard discipline but getting easier detaching that way. I think the 180/LRT is freaking her out a bit. I wamtaking the higher road and electing to ingore the fabrication of past events, her rewriting history and hyperbole that she spews to me, the kids and friends and family go, I only creates tension and arguing. She can no longer hurt me emotionally as she has tried. Only legally and financial which she is trying but won't win. I think 180/LRT is messing her up. Has been 3 days since her urgency to contact re Agent to drop the price after 9 stays of not even responding to Agent.

[Breakdown]

Hang in there Floyd. Sounds like you are directed on the right things so just keep the focus.

[FloydMan]

Thanks BD. Was a strange evening last night. W has been up and down angry, sad, bitter, borderline cordial but non-conversant. I really don't have much to say to her except simple answers one or two words to her questions about kids, dog etc. She is over the op lovey dove with the dog and kids in front of me. This is new. The kids see it as phoney. She was to book day and time urgently since Monday with the RE Agent re; price of house but has still not done anything about that 3 days later. She was frazzled last night.