I knew better...but I did it anyway...

[Sweetbriar]

Yes, I do have a lot to think about when it comes to the birth! I do have a plan of who will be with me and yes, I have my cousin (who I call my sister..we are so close) who will be staying in the hospital with me the entire time Im there. I really dont want him there at all..but Im sure that will only cause him more meanness and spewing...

SandyCay..thanks for your post! It does sound like our H's are a lot alike! Its such crazy behavior...I dont know what Im going to do if my H remains like this. He has gone back and forth from nice to mean. I think I forced the meanness when I texted him. Is your H still with OW?

Tonight the kids went to dinner with H and I just asked that they not tell me anything that goes on. It hurts me to know what his plans are. I know he is trying to get an apt. This is probably a good thing..let him be on his own. Let him feel the lonliness of some nights. Although, he is getting the apartment in our town, which is OWs town...so he wont be that lonely:( And now he will try to take the kids overnight...so we will see how that goes. I think Im having a hard time with the girls seeing him. I know that I cannot stop this...and that will be bad for them..but it hurts that he betrayed us, but still gets to see them and then leave them and go sleep with OW. Just not normal. He should be with their pregnant mother!

Anyway..the kids came home with a $500 check for me with "Stuff for my son" in the memo line. I want to rip up the check! I am so mad that he thinks he can just buy things to make up for all this. I know I sound childish, but I just hate that he has been buying stuff for the girls non stop and now trying to buy the baby stuff. He doesnt hardly see them and has nothing to do with the pregnancy....and then thinks he can hand over a check, drop them off and then he goes straight to OWs house. Does that ease his conscience and make him feel better like he did help out?

I know I should feel lucky that OW has this man I dont know anymore...but I cannot help but to think that he acts happy around her. He has to show that he a nice happy guy. I dont see what she would see in him if he is laying around depressed all the time...and I know that he is sad and depressed.

I guess I must ask...is it normal for the WAS to be sad and depressed and upset and going through hell but still think its the best plan to leave? I would think that if things arent working out he would come back..but he doesnt. Maybe he is just sad about everything in his life except OW so therefore, he continues?

Who knows...I know...I know..I know...I need to focus on ME...gosh its hard!