Almost Over...

[Dewayne]

Thanks for the post. Not harsh at all.

No, I use to be very argumentative, but only to people that try to tell me something that I know isn't true etc. Then I'm off.

I think it has allowed to sink into the rest of the ways I communicate as well. I communicate, just not well. SHe? She apparantly DOES NOT communicate, things "Are fine" so I think and then boom. Just like MIchelle says.


We met at WM so she can pick up WIC and get me some milk etc. I carried Jo all over WM, not hanging around her. I didn't do it on purpose really, I guess I just wanted to spend time with Jo w/o feeling sick around her.

While there, 2 young guys, maybe 19 or 20 came up the bread aisle. I was halfway down it. They slooowwwly walked the aisle and I immediately knew something was off. I watched and they walked to her, both turned and looked at me and I made eye contact and they stopped. Wife came up to one of them and said hi and hugged him. Made me sick. I could tell that he wasn't really receptive of it. Maybe because of me, maybe not.

Yes, you're right. I'm still thinking about her apparantly. But I don't have the nervousy's about it. Maybe it's just lingering and will fade away.

I did get upset tonight though. We met at WM so I had to hand Jo over to the carseat and she cried and begged to stay with me... this hurt me so badly as I can't have her tonight. I calmed her down and she was laughing. I sat on the side of the footstep (hearse) and played and talked with her while W put her groceries in the back. She got in her seat and said "Hey, I don't have much fuel but I can bring her over tomorrow night if you'd like. I feel better today, maybe I'll feel like getting out tomorrow. I can bring a movie or something if you'd like and we can hang out and watch something"

She kinda invited herself. 2 of my friends that know as much as I'm telling you guys both said that they think she's really wanting to spend time with me. To hang out w/o all the drama" as she said. I don't know. I'd like to think that she's coming around but I still feel sick. I can handle the time, not arguing etc. I can handle it by emotions... just don't know if I want to or not. That's a strange feeling to me. I've never had this feeling about my wife... so strange to me.

I am trying to make sure I don't say /do controlling and especially manipulative things. I use to do those things and was very good at it in fact. I could ask a question about subject A but the manner I asked, I could get the answer to a completely different question w/o "going there"

I plan to make a list of things I KNOW are bad for me and that I've been working on.