dude she is not your friend. She is your wife. The reason why you married her was to be your wife. Nothing less. You did not have a friendship you had an intimate relationship that led to marriage.
If you get divorced then you will be become civil acquaintances with a shared intimate history and co-parents for the next 15 years.
No bad friendship.
Once you get your head on straight you will realize this.
P.S. she is still your sole focus because you would not have written a play by play of the conversation. Nor would it have lasted so long.
It would have went. 1 of 2 ways
Her: "were you still wanting to go to the movies?"
Me: "Not at this time. I need a breather from all of this for a few days."
Her: "Well I'm sick and I was going to lay down and didn' tthink I'd get up, I got the flu I think and just not feeling good"
Me: "You stay home rest up and take care. I will talk to you later."
Her: "Maybe tomorrow after the WIC appt. we can go before I go to work. I really want to spend some time with you w/o the drama, I think I'd like that. I do want to go to the movies with you"
Me: "You rest up and take care. Talk to you later."
Tonight she called, said JoJo wanted to talk. Gave her the phone so I talked to her. Then Jo gave momma the phone. Talked to he for 8 minutes.
Her: "So did you say yes or no to her coming over?"
Me: "I can't come and get her. I do not want to disappoint her."
Her: "Well, why don't I bring her over so you can see her a while" Me: "Yes please drop her off. Thank you very much I really appreciate that."
Her: "Well, why don't I bring her over and come and get her in the morning? when I go to the appointment?"
Me: "That'd be great."
Her: "Ohh, ok. Well, do you want me to come and get you, and we all go to the WIC appt together then? And spend the day together?"
Me: "Thank you. I have plans for the day. You need to rest as well. I will not be available after the WIC appt. Thank you again for the offer. See you in a bit."
Or
Yes I will go to the movies. I am strapped for cash this week. I really want to see JoJo but I cannot pick her up. Can we arrange an exchange around the appointment or the movie.
Being civil and checking your emotions at the door.
Dropping the passive aggressive communication.
This is a 180 for you.
Go pick up the book No More Mr. Nice guy or Hold on to your Nuts.
It will help you more than an IC can.
I am thinking you should use this crisis to grow into being a man who is comfortable within his skin. Who makes decisions. Who knows his word is good.
See you may not realize this but the string of events that have happened to you over the past 20 odd years have really beaten you down. So you are hesitant. You either are defensive in conversation or you argue in a passive manor. I think if you learn to eliminate these two aspects of your personality / defence mechanisms you will really start to see some positive changes in your interactions with everyone who you speak with in your life.
Confidence is very attractive. It is a trait that others will pick up on. It can be a silent confidence that is backed with speaking clearly , making decisions and acknowledging shortcomings and then overcoming them. 36 is a great time to start down this path. Actions and few words.
Try it for awhile.
180 your conversations.
Perhaps a harsh post. Perhaps not. I believe that this style of writing will make you think a few times when you wake up at 3 AM and it will sink in later.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
