That's the weirdest thing is that he has not said the word divorce to me at all.
Often the WAS will talk about D early on, but then totally drop it. If you don't pressure him about it, he may not bring it up at all. The mistake many LBS's make is when they don't hear the WAS talk about D any more, then they want to start pressuring about it because they're wondering if the WAS has changed their mind. It's not that they changed their mind, it's that they're confused about what they want. Pressuring them at that time may force a bad decision.
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and there was another poster recently that said he was hoping to have his divorce finalized by the new year, and my H said he'll be starting his soon... but then a week later he counseled another poster about his marital problems with really good advice and said that he wished he'd done it 12 years sooner because now 'he may be getting a divorce soon'. The word 'may' really threw me for a loop.
Don't read anything into it. People say things on forums that they don't really mean. They also say things to explore their own thoughts and emotions, they may in fact say things that are contrary to what they're really thinking. I know you're snooping because you want insight into his thoughts, but you're not going to get it because right now he is not thinking clearly. You should quit snooping, it never does any good.
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We are still 'married' on facebook.
I'll never understand people's fascination with Facebook mind games!
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He also wrote on his chat sight that 'he knows his daughters are upset now but they'll come around'. I think that attitude is very cavalier and it upsets me greatly.
This is very typical WAS thinking. They need to think that to help justify their actions. The truth is that marital problems, separation and divorce cause terrible damage to children, often they carry it the rest of their lives. But you'll never convince him of that. He probably knows it at some level, but his rationalization hamster is running the show right now, spinning in its little happy wheel.
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Everything just seems like a test now and it's hard to be loving and PMA when I'm so tense about our relationship!
That's why you need to detach and GAL. You have to separate yourself from the roller coaster ride. Focus on you and your kids. It's hard work, but it's the road to recovery.
