Do you remember how you felt when H was gone? Is there enough appeal to that to want to give it a go again? I remember in your prior posts you spending a lot of time at the gym, having lost weight and being in shape, even just the time to take your mind off of H/M and focus on you. Do you remember that person? Not that it was all rainbows and happiness, but at least you were taking steps. You sounded more in-touch than you do now.
I completely get what you're saying about mutual enabling. I think I've heard that referred to as co-dependency? (again, for what little I know.) You are both, in a way, unhealthy for each other, I think. Does your H see any of it? Does he want to make anything better? Besides the promises, I mean, but actual effort?
Okay, so what would it mean if H is reliant on my opinion? He's very defensive of his position. He doesn't like when I disagree, even if he comes around to my way of thinking. The one thing I can think of that supports your thought is that he has a big problem with boundaries, was diagnosed years ago. He doesn't recognize that I'm a separate person, that I'm entitled to feel and think differently than him, doesn't recognize where one person ends and the other person begins. One of the things I've mentioned previously as a problem for me is that when we go out to dinner, he just helps himself to whatever is on my plate. Very annoying for me. It also shows up in the issues regarding his kids. He just doesn't understand why I don't feel about them the same way he does. But I don't, I'm not him. I'm not even their mother.
So if what you say is true, then what? His dependency on my opinion means I'm not entitled to have my own? What do *I* do about that? How do *I* manage the problems that causes in our R?
