What I'm learning from H stages, disappointment.

[albamarie]

Snodderly - He must be classic MLC because everything you said is as if you know him personally, I guess you do in a sense.

Talk about leaving my home is my own fight or flight defense I have always had due to my childhood. He did try to push me to kick him out but I have learned that if I'm NC he can't push me. Though I have to say that the last 3 days he's been away at work and it's been awesome!

Seeking - I spend time everyday on myself trying to figue out what I want and the answers are very typical. I think I am looking for answers that might be more life changing, thrilling, maybe even very out of my comfort zone.

I feel as if I am too comfortable, plain-jane, to find the excitement I really think I may be looking for. The simplicity in life and family is what attracted us to each other in the first place and now he's mister, go GAL that's is so opposite of our beliefs.

Journaling -
My kids like the ''mom'' in me, H says he doesn't want me to change, don't go down his road, but the truth is I feel a little left behind as everyone else's life is changing. They were always living a life that I made easy for them, one that came with the security of knowing that I'm always here.

Who's there for me, who is my backup or paver of my path, I feel so alone. I never got that from my parents, that life line you send your kids out into the world with, that came from H, we did that for each other. I did/do that for my kids, even as adults they still look back sometimes to see if I'm backing them.

I don't wear a wedding ring, I go by myself to the usual places and people are starting to notice. H's work buddies are steering away from him and one of them asked me how are things to which I replied, not very well. Nobody will be surprised if he leaves, because they see he's wackadoodle, but they would be surprised that he chose leaving, what they call the perfect family, over getting help.

None of that helps me though, huh, I'm still the LBS who's path is unsure sending me into my own stages of my H's MLC.

thanks everyone!