Almost Over...

[adinva]

The last time you tried to hang out with here you had a very hard time with it. It was suggested that you take a break from her. You have not taken a break from her. I don't know what it is with seeing movies, but casual dates with your W have so far been proven to be a bad idea for your situation right now. Take it or leave it, but that's the advice you were given, and what you observed, and what you are being recommended again.

[Dewayne]

I see. You're right, I need to make more decisions.

I'll work on that. The anger I think was mainly because of the info she told me the other night.

My road rage and yelling when upset etc is all down. Guess it may still be showing in how i talk and type. But I come off that way more when I type I think. I haven't hit anything either, not wanted to. I don't do that anymore. I don't scream and yell. It's rare that I even raise my voice, she actually noticed that and said something too. Was asking how I was keeping so calm.

[MrBond]

What did she tell you? That could have been the perfect opportunity to show that you could keep your cool. Sometimes it could be a test.

[Dewayne]

Um... with all due respect, I'm going to keep that off here.

Just imagine, what would be something so vile, so ugly for your spouse to tell you, something she did that would make your stomach curl in on itself? It's probably on that level.

I Just don't want to say it here, she may be getting on these boards as well as family and friends.

Trust me, I kept my cool, very well. I only growled when I told her I hated her and to get out. I apologized afterwards, told her I did NOT hate her, but that I didn't want to see her at that moment. She got up and headed towards the door. She expected me to fly off the handle and hit something but I didn't.

When she left I did feel like puking I was so hurt and upset.

[MrBond]

Ha! Trust me I've heard it all (unless it involved something un-natural). Just keep your cool and stop talking to her.

[Dewayne]

I plan to after today. We already basically have plans and I hate being the one to break them, but still thought about it.

I may go to the WIC appointment and tell her after that, that I changed my mind and don't want to go see the movie with her. I really don't care either way. Just trying to figure out best move for me at this point. Don't want to be a dooshcanoe or mean, I don't want to retract any progress I've made on not being mean, ya know.

I woke up this morning from a dream about her and OM. Disgusted me this time. Didn't wake up sad. Didn't wake up pissed. Just... disgusted.

Did a hard workout yesterday. Boy I miss my exercise equipment. Lost it all at the haunt (She didn't pay rent and they foreclosed and I lost everything)

Lost 3 more pounds for a total of 33lbs. Was 260 when this started and now 226.7 with clothes n no shoes. Face already looks skinnier. Can't wait to shed more and get new clothes, get a job and start going out.

[Dewayne]

Well. She txted and said she still sick and got up late. She's at the office now. Didn't come get me.

Guess I'm not as unemotional as I thought, maybe. I felt a little... dissappointed I guess. Maybe I did kind of look forward to going.

Or maybe it was because I got up early, cleaned the house, showered and got dressed when I didn't have to.

Going to read a book. Don't know if I'll read DR again or what. I'm bored now.

[Dewayne]

She just txted after I hit send lol.

Her: "ok I'm going to bed. We can meet at wm after i get jojo if you want

Me: "so just to verify, we're not doing anything right?"

Her: "No, I'm still sick and want to go take medicine and go to bed. I'm sorry"

Me: "That's fine. I'll go see it later. Hope you get to feeling better"

Her: "Me too. It's still in #2 spot so it should play for a while. Maybe next week. I'm off at the hotel Wed/Thur Maybe one of those days if I'm not working at the theater?"

I may try to go see it with a new friend I have met. Unfortunately she wants more than I want to give. Maybe a bad friendship, I don't know. I know I need to tread lightly here.

So far, still pretty solid. Nothing seems to really bother me. Lets just hope it stays that way. I welcome it now.

As soon as I get a job I'm still going to get into IC. Just to make sure I don't delve too deep down the wrong path, ya know.

[Dewayne]

boo edited out too much. This line was suppose to be in there:

Since this has happened I'm just gonna stay away for now as advised.

[chatterbug]

dude she is not your friend. She is your wife. The reason why you married her was to be your wife. Nothing less. You did not have a friendship you had an intimate relationship that led to marriage.

If you get divorced then you will be become civil acquaintances with a shared intimate history and co-parents for the next 15 years.

No bad friendship.

Once you get your head on straight you will realize this.

P.S. she is still your sole focus because you would not have written a play by play of the conversation. Nor would it have lasted so long.

It would have went. 1 of 2 ways

Her: "were you still wanting to go to the movies?"

Me: "Not at this time. I need a breather from all of this for a few days."

Her: "Well I'm sick and I was going to lay down and didn' tthink I'd get up, I got the flu I think and just not feeling good"

Me: "You stay home rest up and take care. I will talk to you later."

Her: "Maybe tomorrow after the WIC appt. we can go before I go to work. I really want to spend some time with you w/o the drama, I think I'd like that. I do want to go to the movies with you"

Me: "You rest up and take care. Talk to you later."

Tonight she called, said JoJo wanted to talk. Gave her the phone so I talked to her. Then Jo gave momma the phone. Talked to he for 8 minutes.

Her: "So did you say yes or no to her coming over?"

Me: "I can't come and get her. I do not want to disappoint her."

Her: "Well, why don't I bring her over so you can see her a while"
Me: "Yes please drop her off. Thank you very much I really appreciate that."

Her: "Well, why don't I bring her over and come and get her in the morning? when I go to the appointment?"

Me: "That'd be great."

Her: "Ohh, ok. Well, do you want me to come and get you, and we all go to the WIC appt together then? And spend the day together?"

Me: "Thank you. I have plans for the day. You need to rest as well. I will not be available after the WIC appt. Thank you again for the offer. See you in a bit."



Or


Yes I will go to the movies. I am strapped for cash this week. I really want to see JoJo but I cannot pick her up. Can we arrange an exchange around the appointment or the movie.

Ok.

You rest up and take good care of yourself.

Take Care.





_______________________________________________________________

Making decisions in conversations.

Leading.

Being civil and checking your emotions at the door.

Dropping the passive aggressive communication.

This is a 180 for you.

Go pick up the book No More Mr. Nice guy or Hold on to your Nuts.

It will help you more than an IC can.

I am thinking you should use this crisis to grow into being a man who is comfortable within his skin. Who makes decisions. Who knows his word is good.

See you may not realize this but the string of events that have happened to you over the past 20 odd years have really beaten you down. So you are hesitant. You either are defensive in conversation or you argue in a passive manor. I think if you learn to eliminate these two aspects of your personality / defence mechanisms you will really start to see some positive changes in your interactions with everyone who you speak with in your life.

Confidence is very attractive. It is a trait that others will pick up on. It can be a silent confidence that is backed with speaking clearly , making decisions and acknowledging shortcomings and then overcoming them. 36 is a great time to start down this path. Actions and few words.

Try it for awhile.

180 your conversations.

Perhaps a harsh post. Perhaps not. I believe that this style of writing will make you think a few times when you wake up at 3 AM and it will sink in later.