New Year, New Life (19 months)

[adinva]

MIL wrote back to all: looking forward to seeing you-all Saturday

I wrote and erased the following:
I may not be coming, am thinking about it though I would always love to see you it's about making sure the kids and Xxxxx have opportunities to get together with you. It's very painful for me to pretend all is normal as I did at Christmas this year, last year, and all between. Since Xxxm is available to come out, it may just be him. I'd like for this communication to be just between us.

I still sting from Bomb Night when I called MIL because I had no one else to call and she told me one of his reasons was I was selfish with the kids, absorbed all their attention, was too close to them and no one else could get close to them, and she said "and I have to say I agree with that." That hurt so much and felt so wrong, and I could have said a million things back and was in the process of it when heaven intervened and my cell connection dropped momentarily so I was talking to myself. So yeah, the being seen as pouting is me trying to manage what MIL thinks of me so it more closely matches what I think of me. I know. I can't do that.

But I do have to decide if I suck it up one more time or make my feelings an issue beginning NOW.