trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

Do I see regrets from H? Not yet. I think he is in relief not to have someone to answer too. I think he is enjoying his hunting trips, doing what he wants, feeling ultimate freedom. Our DD is old enough that she doesn't need him as much. He still calls/texts her every night and right now, that's enough for her.
Do I see any real hope ... no, honestly I do not. Am I hanging on to thin air ... probably, but right now, it's keeping me sane, so I'm good with it. But your H seems a little more sympathic than mine... my H might be but hides his feeling way to much. So, I think as long as you are healthy, hanging on to hope is okay. When it becomes an obession, I think it's not healthy. And you are right, concentrating on ourselves and daughter is the best thing. I can not let this situation run my life. As much as it could, I refuse! It is what it is ... I can't control H anymore than he can control me. I am even teetering on the edge of telling my lawyer to go ahead and file our papers with the courts. Our state has a mandatory 3 months wait period, so I have those three months to continue to hope. I just don't think I could handle our divorce being final and him getting remarried right away ... but in three months maybe I'll feel differently.

You know, one thing I want H to know that I haven't told him and don't know how ... the door is still open. If he wants me and wants to try again, its possible. Counseling is a must and honestly, not even sure it is possible... it's something we'd really have to work on. But I really don't see him kicking OW out. She gave up her "place" (I guess) to live with him, I don't see him being so cold hearted to her to kick her out with no place to go. She is the only reason he could live where he is, because he had no bed, no linens, no cooking utensils, no dinnerware/silver ware ... he had to move someone in to take care of him ... yet he calls me with computer problems and cooking questions ... Huh??

As far as OW, I don't really know anyone that knows her. We have one friend in common and she won't talk to me. Which hurts my feelings, because this friend was raised (as the OW was) in a strong christian background and I know she KNOWS what OW is doing is wrong. I honestly don't want to know what OW is like or what she does for H. I can't change me anymore than he can change who he is deep down. I agree with behavior changes, but I can't change me for what he wants. He loved me for 20 years like this ... I can change behavior but not my personality.

Your plan for his visit sounds perfect... even if you are going to the store, just say ... running some errands and look awesomely good! It'll show him what he is missing. I think it's okay you asked if he wanted dinner. It's being nice. No different thank asking one of your friends if they want supper.

I love the 5 love lanuages. Not sure which is H is. When I read it, I was reading it better communicate with my teenage daughter. I need to re-read with H in mind. I think he is a time person. And like I said, I'm sure in the past year, I've not showed him enough attention/time.

Keep me updated on the visits.


By the way, since H is at hunting trade show Monday, Tues, Wed, I sent a text Monday asking how it was going. Got a text back. Last night ... he sent me one telling me he was going to dinner with someone ... I sent one word response back. But was suprised I got one from him???? I'm sure he's texted OW pictures and lots of information ... I was probably an after thought, but I was still suprised.