Yes, I agree with you. I don't think I had looked at it that way. Perhaps I was focusing on the intention behind what I said and the following result. If I complimented him, I wasn't looking for anything more from him, as he had already done something to warrant a compliment. Yet that resulted in him wanting sex. (And BTW, it did not result in him doing more of what I had complimented him on.) On the other hand, when I complain about something, I clearly want him to respond. I want him to do/not do something. I tell him what that is, yet he doesn't accommodate. And he shuts down too, as you indicated your H does. So that was my basis for saying that my complaints don't bother him, because he doesn't address the issue in order to eliminate the complaint, but seems to just ignore it instead.
Recently, he sought advice from his counselor on how to eliminate the discussions (anything resembling a complaint.) The timing of that corresponded to some research I was doing which indicated that men do not take criticism well at all, that it actually causes bio-chemical changes in them. This is 100% true for H. So I quit talking to him. He's happy as a lark now. Of course nothing has improved on my side because he still hasn't addressed the things I had complaints about. He just doesn't have to hear about it anymore. And I don't know how to work with this.
I previously used the analogy of the oil light coming on in the car. It's a "complaint" coming from the car. Few people would ignore it and not put more oil in asap. Yet in M, if a W complains, men just close up and go lick their wounds and then wonder why their M fails. I don't get it.
I'm curious, you mentioned that the two of you are like roommates. What is your H's position on things? He came back. Do you know why?
