Easy ladies, we are men, we think logic, and a little duct tape can fix everything. I am not excusing SP's actions, but we all make mistakes.
Learn from this SP, and don't do it again! I have been feeling really good, a down day here and there, for the most part good. A lot has to do with the fact that I don't make those same mistakes anymore, and I made lots. I remember a post or two from Sandi where I was actually a bit frightened that she might track me down a beat some sense into me. It would have been a good thing though.
Stop focusing on what you think you had, and start focusing on where you want go. It will help you to not talk about it to her. Good luck, and listen to the ladies.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
So here is the continuing saga of my rolly coaster ride. My wife sends me another text a couple hours later. This time, she is expressing that there is a TV show coming on this Friday that my mother would like to see.....seriously, she is reaching out after being chased away to tell me about a TV show?...WTF!
There was a short conversation about the "friendship". So, I asked if she still wanted to be friends. She replied, " yes, as long as there are no strings attached". So now, My W and D are coming over here to have dinner and watch a show tomorrow night. I can't wait to get Chuck on the phone and see where this is taking me. Sandi, I know I am not the best pupil.....please don't give up hope on me.
Thank you so much for putting up with my continuing stupidity. Just a day or two ago I thought I was starting to do so much better. I just keep putting my foot in it....discouraging. I never realized that I don't have much control over my mouth, until now.
You're not stupid, just ignorant-there's a difference, ignorance you can fix.
As Sandi alluded in her post, the best thing you can do is keep quite, stop trying to get answers that satisfy you. Stop trying to defend yourself, stop trying to get her to see the light.
Let her go.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
So just step back, shut my mouth, move on with my life and see if she ever comes back? I guess that seems like the approach I should have been taking all along.
I just read through DR again. I had to stop and focus on the part where there was mention that some spouses simply never look back. once they decide to leave, they are gone. My W hasn't waivered a bit in her conviction to leave. She has said numerous times that shes done and she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. She doesn't want to work on the marriage. She is in a calmer happier place without me, and we're not going to get back together. I guess it is time to really listen to what she has been saying. It's just a tough pill to swallow
Any last words of encouragement before the W comes for dinner and a movie?
I have more butterflies in my chest than ever. All day long I have been dreading this. My plan is to just be light, upbeat and not ask too many personal questions.
Friday morning I speak with, Chuck. I hope he can shed some light on this "friendship" thing. However, I think my wifes intentions of ever revisiting the R are long gone. It seems like I am just working on myself now.
Well, I made it through. The evening was actually nice. We had decent conversation. I didn't pry for anything, but my W actually opened up and told me most of what she has been up to. She asked a little about what I have been up to. I only offered up what she was asking about and didn't get too involved. I kept it very up beat and light. I put a lot of focus on my daughter, which isn't really a 180 for me, but maybe I was more loving and calm with her than I usually am. Daughter was showing definite signs of not liking our situation, very needy, acting out a little, pouty. On a final note, my wife wanted to borrow some blu Rays for a sleepover my daugther is having tomorrow. She went into my master closet and up onto a step ladder. I couldn't help but comment....probably shouldn't have, but I did have to say, "whooa look at your cute little butt". She has lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic. I don't think my comment was too bad. She seemed to appreciate it and we joked a little about her having a rear end smaller than our D, which it is not....is cute tho....haha
Anyway, I am not sure AT ALL wether this evening was an interaction that is beneficial in any way to my goal, probably not I guess. It was however an enjoyable night. I liked spending a little time as a family, even if it was for only a short while. Open to any comments....
There was a short conversation about the "friendship". So, I asked if she still wanted to be friends.
Why, do you want to only be friends?
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She replied, " yes, as long as there are no strings attached".
So she expects what you motives are. Sounds like getting breadcrumbs to me, and her being left to decide the whole dynamic. Maybe it can help in R, IDK. For me it was completely out of the question.
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I can't wait to get Chuck on the phone and see where this is taking me.
He'll know far more on that than me, for sure. Good luck SP, I'll be following your thread
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
