You are NOT wrong about the lying "cutting to your core." I am so trying to figure out why he does it. Plenty of spouses disagree about approaches to a problem. They do not blatantly lie and go behind the other's back to carry out their wishes. And you know something, if that's a deal breaker for you, then I understand it. Everyone has different boundaries. Someone is able to deal with an affair while another one just simply can't. You can't handle the lying. So, either it stops or it's the end game.
Ok, this might be the first time I might back you up. I just read this so I want to ask. But you were challenged to compliment your H. While I chuckled about the unintended results, there was still a happy reaction from him. Are you sure that your opinion doesn't weigh a bit more than you think? My H didn't outwardly seem to have much reaction to my "negative opinions." Until he left and explained to me just how important they were...
Your statement about being vulnerable is hard for you... I get it, I swear I do. It's obvious. It is a sensitivity that can either be nurtured or can be totally exposed. I don't find it acceptable he's chosen to expose it.
I want sooooooo much to avoid your question about what I'd do if he stopped drinking. 2 problems for me with that right now. I almost don't want to hope anymore because it's been so long and my heart has been broken before about his promises to stop. The other is that I honestly don't know. I love my H. I love him so much. But we've been living as roommates for so long, I can't even imagine anything else.
