Andrew, good for you that you were able to enjoy yourself and not get engaged in arguments with your W. Ideally, one of you would move out of the house, but I see how this is difficult bc of the finances. Your W wants to take on the role of the "victim" of your "aggressive behavior" to claim that you're the one who should be moving out, when she's the one who had the A. So she's definitely taking advantage of what happened. Tough one. But you seem to be handling things well. Keep it up.
Hey Tori...thanks and ditto on the "being there for me"
So here's the latest / Journaling (venting / sobbing). W struck up a convo. Still in the D direction. It hurts b/c I think of the true "potential" we each had and could have done if we each would have acted differently long ago. But that is what it is. It hurts worse b/c of the kiddos. It's not fair to them to not have an "intact" family b/c each of us ultimately failed to communicate / neglect the M. So now they will most likely have the whole 2 home scenario. I love those kiddos. Part of me feels as if we have robbed them / tainted their childhood. I know they (hope) they will ultimately be okay. I will do more than my best to ensure. I believe W will too.
During the convo, W let me know that not only did I make "wishing she was dead" type of comments (confirmed by SIL), but that I also evidently shoved her away from me. That night I became that with which I despise. It breaks my heart to know that I acted that way. I apologized to SIL once she confirmed those statements. I AM NOT THAT PERSON! Those that know me, friends, family, in-laws know I'm not a violent / aggressive person.
Finding out the confirmation, and the newer details, I have agreed to leave for a few days, and then she will later on in the week (kids never leaving). I would never want anyone I care about to be afraid of me. W proceeded to tell me that at the end of this month, she will try to find a place of her own / room for the kids. Evidently a family member will lend her a deposit / first months rent. I will then reside at the house full time til we can sell.
So right now, W and the kiddos are out playing at the fun place they were supposed to go to yesterday; and I'm straightening up the house and packing my belongings. Okay, actually I'm walking in circles trying to accomplish those tasks. I'll be leaving this evening shortly after W and the kids come back. I want / need to say bye to them for the few days I'll be gone.
Maybe the space will help with you both getting some different perspective on your sitch. It seems to have been up and down emotionally recently.
Don't forfet to focus on finding your PMA and being strong for your kids.
(((((())))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Andrew, I'm thinking about you. This will be a trying time for everyone in the family. You already know that...
I agree with busting that time away will "let the dust settle."
Interesting how you don't remember some of the stuff you said/did. But no sense in looking back. Now you know what to do to avoid these types of events in the future.
You're a good guy with a kind heart. Remember everyone makes mistakes, so forgive yourself. ((((((((((((()))))))))))
Being there for my kids, and a PMA is about all I have to focus on at the moment.
Not really interesting, rather frustrating to not have 100% memory and have to ask / be told what happened. I'm working on the forgiveness to myself aspect. Thanks for the reminder too!
So here's something just weird, go figure, my sich has something weird to it. Anyways, I'm folding laundry and W sneaks up behind me. She / the kids are not supposed to be back yet. Evidently S7 didn't want to go to her Mom's for dinner and wanted to stay with me. She asked me if it was okay by herself, he was not in the room. I said sure. I did go ahead and ask if she has filed yet, she denies it. I also asked if she still had her wedding rings, b/c when I have been putting stuff away, I peeked into her open jewelry box and didn't see them where they normally are. She said they're still there. I then proceeded to ask her to let me know when she files, as I don't want it happen at work / want to be a little prepared. She said she would. So we'll see about that. Lastly, she then tells me that we may have to do 7 days on / 7 days off, instead of this 4/ 3 split thingy were doing right now. I wonder what changed in the past few hours since she's been gone with the kids.
So, we told S7 that he could choose to stay with me, b/c I was going to leave for a few days or go to MILs and play with his cousin. He automatically started to cry and said, "You're going to get a divorce aren't you?" Pretty much started to set of my tears so I had to look away and take a deep breath. Anyways, there was W and I standing in the driveway with S8 trying to encourage him to choose whatever he wanted to do, stay with me and play video games or go and play with his cousin. "Mom and Dad just need some space right now" I did look at W, and say, "symbolism?" She nodded. S7 ultimately choose to go play with cousin, as they only get to see each other once or twice a year.
Maybe that interaction wasn't per most of the DB standards, but at this point, I've made much BIGGER mistakes, so I figured I'd ask a few ?s and what not.
I feel like I have to be on guard and want to make sure I'm not taken advantage of. I don't want to challenge her on some of this stuff, yet I don't want her to be one who dictates how everything goes.
Last thought for now...my house is totally empty. It stinks. I have a basketball game on just to provide background noise. I remember the day when I looked forward to a little peace and quiet. This is not what I had in mind.
Tori, Hope all your flights went well and you're having a good time in Ca. As far as an L, I believe she does.
My goals for the phone call with Jody, a little ambiguous, other than how to better myself for myself during this process. 7 on / 7 off. I don't know. A lot of uncertaainty at this time. I'll be starting a new thread sometime today as I'm about to be locked and will need ongoing support from all of you.
Quick question for anyone, if I "Hide" W from FB page, will that prevent me from seeing anyting related to her? Or will I have to go through and "Hide" everyone that may like or comment on her threads, etc.? Oh, and of course she unfriended me again. She did have to tell me b/c I haven't logged on since 01/01. I'm trying to set up a good boundary for me and let this sich dictate what I can / cannot do all because of her.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Bug, Yes we've had that discussion before. I can honestly say much of what I have done much up to this point has put more of what W would want, once I got her attention back on me some. Not necessarily true self discovery in the long run.
I read the article. Nice one. Good one. I liked it very much.
Find you and all the other stuff will fall into place. This clearly has to be the focus of my next thread, next steps of my journey.
Anyways, I'm folding laundry and W sneaks up behind me. She / the kids are not supposed to be back yet. Evidently S7 didn't want to go to her Mom's for dinner and wanted to stay with me. She asked me if it was okay by herself, he was not in the room. I said sure. I did go ahead and ask if she has filed yet, she denies it. I also asked if she still had her wedding rings, b/c when I have been putting stuff away, I peeked into her open jewelry box and didn't see them where they normally are. She said they're still there. I then proceeded to ask her to let me know when she files, as I don't want it happen at work / want to be a little prepared. She said she would. So we'll see about that. Lastly, she then tells me that we may have to do 7 days on / 7 days off, instead of this 4/ 3 split thingy were doing right now. I wonder what changed in the past few hours since she's been gone with the kids.