I feel like I really do need a change from him, but that isn't a position that is well-received on this board. It's especially sad for me, as I said, because it shouldn't be this way. Watching my parents and g-mas age, knowing their time is limited on this planet is sad, but it's supposed to be that way. Destroying R's for your own selfishness is simply counter-intuitive and completely unnecessary.
I probably used the wrong analogy with "the poo hits the fan." That implied there's a blow-up before the lie. In actuality, I don't usually find out about the lie until some time later. Of course, then I'm going to react. I should have related it more inline of when his desire for something conflicts with what he knows my response would be, he does it anyway and just lies about it. But I can't think of a good analogy for that. It's more inline with an attitude of "easier to get forgiveness than permission, even easier if she doesn't find out." I feel like I'm M'd to a teenager, rather than a man.
I have no idea what he feels about my opinion of him. Externally, he certainly doesn't respond to a negative opinion by addressing my complaint. More than anything, he seems to completely discount my opinion. If my opinion is different than his, he just blows it off.
I suspect that might be a risk with your mom, especially in light of where she has been. I'm sure she doesn't want any of that for her daughter.
How do I answer that about his lying? He knows he lies. He justifies it. He knows what an issue it is for me. He doesn't seem to understand why I won't just trust him when he promises yet again that he won't lie. Duh! Because you lied about not lying before already! Being vulnerable to someone is very hard for me. I've been through enough betrayal that it takes a lot for me to invest openly. When H lies to me, he cuts me to my core being. It makes me not willing to be vulnerable to him again. If someone is completely closed off, how do you foster intimacy in a M?
I know one of those functional alcoholics. He worked successfully as an attorney. Do you feel like if your H got his drinking under control that you would be able to handle the other issues? Can you envision having a happy M with him, knowing him as he truly is instead of how you wish he would be?
