House for sale. So Sad. Family Breaking Up (pt 2)

[FloydMan]

Thanks AD and RLA,
My kids are the victims but yes, I realize I come across as it too. W is hurting, I get that too. You ladies have been a big help in me understanding that.
I get my role in it, I really do. I understood the A 2 months after it was revealed and my counselling. Both counsellors hugged me in fact and said I get it. The fact that she changed her mind yes is a stinger especially with all that she asked of me and also promised me and the kids. I changed a ton of things and she acknowledges those changes but what I became was more anxious and needed the trust and assurance that I was investing my heart, my life and trust in the right place. I never got that. I am sure she feels the same. My wife feels low and that stems from well before me (childhood wounds, controlling parents, critical parents, abusive boyfriend) and now likely accentuated with her guilt. I heard this in MC and have read and learned all about this. There is just nothing I can do as she plays the victim and is so angry with me. I am the lightning rod for both my shortcomings previously and for all her other troubles. I thought I always acknowledged how wonderful she was, but missed something. MC said you can say and do all the right things but some people get in a trap of inner turmoil and they do not hear the love or see it. I try to say it now and she does not believe me. She does not want to hear it, though it has been months since I tried and she bit my head off about complimenting her.
With accepting ‘my lot’, that is ironic. I too felt neglected emotionally in the M but I found other outlets, not and A. I hurt too but accepted it as ‘my lot’ in life and worked like a fiend to provide well and be responsible and giving. She needed more.