You seem to be in a good place and bale to make clear decisions based on your needs. Take it slowly. No need to rush any decisions as you know so well. They will come to you with time.
Keep posting and let us know how things go.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Denver, im gonna search you out but if you see this shoot me a message, probably gonna need some help on this one b/c I think its been long enough and i've let resentment build up enough that im not all the way "in" on working this thing out..she's willing to see a counselor and "try" according to her, and I've agreed to do the same...and im hoping my feelings change and change quickly b/c as it stands now im just not excited about the prospects.
Hey Carnac. It's nice to hear from you. No one can make this decision for you. These are the things that I DO know:
1) If you are going to reconcile, you have to be in 100%... so does she. There is no way that this works any other way.
2) If you do get to that 100% and are able to make a go of it, it can be the most amazing thing that you have ever done. My W and I still have issues that arise and neither of us are perfect... but we are both completely different people than we were before our separation. We both seem to accept that and both seem to be working with that. As a result, our R is completely different. SO much better in every facet.
3) There are no guarantees on anything in life man. You can choose to reconcile with your W and be back at square one in 6 months. You could choose to reconcile with your W and live happily ever after. AND, EITHER of those two things can happen in a new relationship with someone new. There is no way that you can avoid the risk of being hurt when you choose to love someone.
4) Piecing will be the most difficult part of this process... but, IMO, no more difficult than building a new relationship with someone new... someone who you know very little about and share zero history with.
5) The history that you have with your W, including this experience, is rich. Someday it may mean more to you than anything in your life.
6) You have to want this...
7) If you are going to reconcile, you have to be in 100%... so does she. There is no way that this works any other way.
Yes, #1 and #7 are the same. Because it is so important.
I think that you should absolutely go to counseling and work through your feelings. You don't have to let your W back into your life on a dime. This can be a slow process. Rome wasn't built in a day... build the foundation slowly but correctly. Through friendship.
Stop dating OW if you want to explore the idea of R with your W. You owe it to the OW, your W, and yourself.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
