One of my biggest problems is how to detach when she still shows affection toward me.
Detaching is all about NOT reacting to what your W does. What you're experiencing is the distance/ pursuit dynamic. Your wife was distancing and you started pursuing which just made her distance further. But when you stopped pursuing, reversed course and started distancing, she started pursuing you. But don't read anything into it, as it says in DR these are simply baby steps. Celebrate them internally and continue with your DB'ing. The idea is to not go on the roller coaster ride that your W wants to take you on. If you react to your W's pursuing by pursuing her again, guess what? She'll go right back to distancing. She's trying to keep you tagging along as plan B.
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Is the affection out of a feeling of guilt for the whole sitch or is it true affection?
Hard to say, but probably neither. She's just trying to keep you hanging on while she pursues other options.
Originally Posted By: Grizz
One other thought. This weekend is our "dating" anniversary (23years). We were high school sweethearts. We have always celebrated this day and made a big deal out of it. With all that is going on, how do I acknowledge this day. In the past it would be dinner, gifts, etc. I have no idea on how to approach this weekend. Any advice?
This subject comes up a lot regarding birthdays and anniversaries. When my anniversary came up I asked W what she wanted to do about it if anything, she said "I don't know, it's all so weird." So I suggested that we just go to dinner, not to celebrate (since we were separated) but just as an acknowledgment of the anniversary. And that's all we did and it was fine. So you might just ask your W.
