Walking the path to my own happiness

[Wendylon]

RLA, I wrote to you yesterday but can't find my post to you! I'm pretty sure I submitted it but who knows...

My H reacts exactly the same way as yours does if I mention anything at all about his eating habits/sleeping habits/general (dis)organisation. I'm learning to leave him to it more. For example, we each took our cars to go on holiday. His battery was flat two days before we were due to leave but he didn't sort it out until it was time to set off on holiday. He didn't bother figuring out the directions so he, S13 and S17 got to the rental house one and a half hours after D15 and me. I was really tempted to interfere when I could see he was doing nothing about his car battery but figured the consequences wouldn't be mine.

I try to comment only when I'm directly affected. It's a hard thing to gauge though because his silly sleep patterns do affect his mood and that affects all of us. Also, I have a feeling that he is a bit erratic with his AD medication which again affects all of us.

Like labug, you remind me a lot of myself (not from 10 years ago but from just a few months ago and even from now). If we don't want boys, we have to stop treating them like boys. For ages, I just thought that H needed to grow some so he could respond maturely to my sage advice. That hasn't happened in nearly 23 years of being together so it won't now. I think it's worth trying something different.

The incident of the knife made me laugh. My H would go ballistic if I'd done what you did. We've had huge rows over me commenting on him eating with a full, open mouth. He still has bad table manners (as far as I'm concerned) but I've dropped that battle.

By the way, I also graduated from a top university (unlike my H who has always underachieved relative to his potential). I wonder whether that exacerbates the dynamic we both have in our sitches.

On the topic of boundaries, I'd still like to see you back in your own bedroom with or without your H.