Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
I don't know, Sandi. I mean I haven't seen ANY results, other than when I offered up the "friend" card.


Your sitch is still relatively young (I know it doesn't seem that way though), I didn't see any signs at all from W until about 6 months after BD. I thought I had seen some before then, but looking back I think they were flukes. The real baby steps started about a month ago. So hang in there, it's really not that unusual to see no baby steps at all for months and months after BD.

Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
Do you really think that I am setting myself back to zero, by simply asking her, "hey do you want to go for breakfast with our D"? Would something as insurmountable as that send her running? I mean could it be so simple as I have not spent enough time being consitent with my detaching?


Per DR it's not unacceptable to ask her along to something now and then, but the way to pose it is "I'm taking D to breakfast, you're welcome to join us if you wish." The point you're making is that you are going with or without her. It's not a date, she can go or she can not go, you don't care. The problem from what I'm reading in your post is that you DO care, and you need to get to the point where you seriously don't. So that means (as Sandi said) you need to quit asking until you're more detached. When you are detached enough you really won't care, I know I don't. I take the kids out to eat on the weekends and sometimes I'll tell W she can join us if she wants, sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. If she says 'no' then I shrug and off we go. No biggie.

Originally Posted By: suckerpunch

I am starting to get some pressure from my family, to just divorce and move on. Everyone in my family feels I am playing the fool and this will never turn around. Not having that support is absoultely crushing me. It is even worse, considering how we are in business together and very close. It makes my situation extremely difficult.


I totally agree with Spartan's response on this. Personally I had to cut all communications with my family for about a month to drive home the point that I was done talking to them about it. When I reestablished communications I made sure we talked about anything but my sitch.

Quote:
On the other hand, I feel that I should just sit my W down and have a, "lay out the facts and absolutes" conversation regarding our marriage.


I can 100% guarantee you that this will NOT go well. You have got to fight this urge. This is one of those things that is counterintuitive. It feels like the right thing to do, but it isn't!! The best you can hope for is "I'm still confused", the worst is "I'm done and ready to proceed with D". This is forcing her hand, and it is poor timing because she hasn't had the time and space she needs to work things through yet.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57