The ups and downs of DBing

[Wendylon]

I hope this is the link to my last thread:

Last thread

I've been back DBing since Aug 2012 and there is definite progress but still some situations that go very wrong that I need to learn from. Pre DBing, I would have just thought that H was being a d!ck and that I was hard-done by. This approach got me nowhere good so I would appreciate feedback on the times that go wrong and ideas of what I can do differently.

We just back yesterday from a family long weekend away in a rented house.

The positives:

• H joined me when I was in S13's bed and I was in a sandwich hug--both of them hugging me while I was in between them. H hasn't hugged me in bed for ages so that was huge.

• H knew I was meeting my mother for a hot chocolate in my favourite cafe today and he 'dropped' by and joined us and had a coffee. He was very nice to my mother (he usually is but he sought us out). My mother thought he looked very well and much more relaxed than when she'd last seen him.

• At times, during the holiday I noticed that H was smiling to himself contentedly.

Things to work on:

• H got angry at me for waking him up during the holiday. At my proposal, we'd agreed that he'd organise supper on the second night with S17. He went up to 'read in bed' at 5.30 which I thought was a terrible idea. At 6, he was still sleeping so I woke him up to get supper on the road. He'd agreed earlier that we would aim for a 6-6.30 supper. He was aggressive and complained that I wasn't letting him manage supper and would I please get out of his hair. He even said that if I was hungry, I could prepare my own f*ing food. I just left the room and he got on with supper and it was ready by 7.

• H rolled his eyes impatiently last night when I asked him a few things. First, I asked him to sign a bday card, then I asked him if he would be willing to be the person to answer a questionnaire do do with S13 and school and finally asked him about something to do with me installing a new printer. He said, "Will you stop harassing me, I need to go to the bathroom". That seemed so incredibly lame, self-centred and unreasonable. I just said, "Fine, don't help me with the printer, I'll figure it out myself". This morning, he asked what the issue was, started working on it and then make it clear that he had more important stuff to do. I actually left the house before he did which I think was good. I often hang around when he's home and not in his study because it's such a rare event. When I got back, he'd already left the house.

Right now, he is playing table tennis with someone he does IT work for. He still isn't home (nearly 9 pm). I imagine they'll go out for drinks after their table tennis so who knows when he'll get back. We're now watching The Bridge which we're both really enjoying. I imagine though that staying out with his friend/boss will trump us watching an episode of The Bridge.