Total despair 2

[sandi2]

I haven't seen ANY results, other than when I offered up the "friend" card. She reacted well to that.

B/c she thought you were finally coming around.

I guess the only real reaction I can get is to do something stupid like get into a conflict with her that makes her mad, other than that, not much changes in her attitude toward me.

This is not rational thinking! You are saying you'd rather her be mad at you, just to get a reaction? Getting her mad won't get her closer to you. That is not DBing. Besides, it's only been a little over three months. That's not really very long.

She is cold, she is distant and she is staying the course. I know she isn't as happy with her new life as she was originally, but she hasn't given me the slightest clue that she is second guessing her decision.

So stop looking for clues. That is one of your problems.

I'm just so confused on how to engage her or not engage her.

Don't engage her.

am still torn on this whole detaching thing. It is probably because I can't get into the mindset of my wife right now. I just keep thinking about how I would respond to things, and that obviously is much different.

First of all, I think it may impossible for you to have the mindset of a WAW. If men knew the mindset of women....they could rule the world! They never will. And even if you could see yourself as a WAS, it wouldn't be the thoughts & feelings of a woman. So, why don't you stop putting all your energy into this type of fretting?

I am working on myself and making progress every day.

How? Do you mean progress toward R with her, or do you mean progression toward becoming the best man possible? The obvious thing I've seen from this side of the screen, is you have worked on trying to change her mind. Has anyone close to you noticed you've become a better person? That's hard to achieve in three-four months.

I need a paint by numbers approach.

That's the mentality of wanting to know the answer before you ask, like I mentioned before. If you "knew" the M would be R then you would work for it. But without knowing for sure....you don't want to take a chance?

Everyone in my family feels I am playing the fool and this will never turn around.

Did they discourage you about the MR before she dropped the bomb? That part the person said on FB about just walk away from what doesn't make you happy? That is often what we hear from family & friends.

On one hand I feel that my best chance of reconciling is to continue to DB. On the other hand, I feel that I should just sit my W down and have a, "lay out the facts and absolutes" conversation regarding our marriage. Basically, give her one last opertunity to even consider trying.

Please don't do that. No sit-down talks thinking you're giving her one last chance. I promise, she won't take it. It just does not work that way.

Listen, before you give her the final "talk", won't you try what we've suggested? If you don't understand detaching, then drop the rope. Move forward with your life. Just don't file for a D.

Yes, talk to Chuck before doing anything.