Let me tell you a little bit more about myself so you believe me that I'm not looking to shrink you... just really want a chat.
My H left almost 2 and a half years ago initially. He had a gf 10 years my junior (love that). We were both executives in the same company (gf worked their too). Last year I took a buyout and left. He's still there. His alcohol issues have worsened over the years and after our separation, it got dramatically worse. He started making strides to come home about a year ago. He finally came home by just moving back in. There was no talk... I came home from a trip and his stuff was here and there was nothing I could legally do about it. I was pi$$ed to say the least. He'd occasionally show signs of trying and fix his issues but usually nothing that lasted a few days. I threaten divorce on a weekly basis when it gets too much, then he stops offending behavior and begs and pleads for me to stay, I cave, he goes back to the offending behavior. Now, this is not to say I don't have my own issues I had to work on because boy, did I and do I.
I have prided myself on being a tough girl. Born and raised in NY and scraping my way up the ladder at work, I needed to be tough. Couldn't show any vulnerability. So what did I do? I come on here and basically lie. Never once did I mention to anyone during my first stay here that my H was an alcoholic. Why? A couple of things: 1) I didn't want anyone to tell me what I already knew, unless he got help, I couldn't fix it and 2) I was way too smart to get involved with an alcoholic.
I got off the boards here fairly quick. It's debatable as to why.
But I maintained friendships with friends from here. I lied to them too. I would like to say that I just left things out, but let's just call a spade, a spade. I didn't mention that he came home against my will. Why? Embarrassing. I didn't mention that my pride had taken a huge hit. I mean I dated when he was gone, but I still felt worthless. I felt better when he wanted me. That somehow validated me. I don't really mention that I'm scared to death. Tough girls aren't scared. And I acted like I was making the choice to be in the limbo I was in. I was the one who didn't want to fix it. I was the one refusing him. But he continued to drink. He continued to act like everything was fine. He was content to be in another bedroom. He was content about not talking. So, really who was controlling things? Christmas was a nightmare with my family as I hid a lot from them too. Unfortunately, his drinking had to deteriorated to a point where he was unable to hide the issues and the people who once supported me in standing for my marriage got very upset and have taken a completely opposite stance.
So, CV? I would say that I'm pretty messed up right now and am definitely not here to preach to you. Really just want to lend an ear.
