LOL, I hear you. There's a time and place for tough love, I think. Sometimes, I think it has opposite it's intended effect. See, to me? You sound frustrated and a bit confused yourself and maybe you just need to talk through things. But, I'm frustrated and confused so maybe I'm just projecting, who knows? I think when we get into a frustrated state, tough love pushes us back further. I'm just looking for a chat.
You want to talk specifics... like about your H's lying? Well, let's discuss that then. Can you stop it? I don't know. There's a reason for his lying, I believe. It doesn't sound like he's a sociopath, so there's something. You have mentioned that there are definitely issues that you both disagree on... especially his parenting style as it relates to his older children. Well, he lies because he doesn't want conflict with you and still wants to please his children. You know this, you said it. So how do you stop it? You let him do what he wants without judgment or attacking. I haven't gotten through all of your posts yet, but it seems there's no compromise on this matter. So, you bend to how he wants to do things OR you don't and he lies. I don't see another way at the moment UNLESS he changes his mind to parent more like you. Or you change your mind to parent more like him.
It's sort of like my H's drinking issue isn't it? I mean I could stay and live with all the dysfunction that comes with an alcoholic and bend to his will, he can quit drinking and work on himself, or I can live and give myself a chance for a life that I find more fulfilling. Doesn't really make my H a bad person... it means that he and I have differing goals. (But it [censored] because my heart hurts). So then the answer for me comes down to goals for my M. Do I want to save it? If so, I stick with him until bottom hits. Do I want limbo? Am I ok with the dysfunction in order to maintain the life I have now? And I'm just here to support me as time passes. Or am I looking for help to go? If so, then I make strides to do that and then we're not really dealing with my H's drinking issues. For informational purposes, I've done all of these things and I'm very conflicted.
