Almost Over...

[Dewayne]

Adultery: Got it down. I've been realizing that, but I do take full ownership of my lack in the marriage.

Work: I have been working on myself, but slipped a lot when emotions ran high.

Emotions: Yes, but now... the calm. I wanted to die 2 nights ago. My friend in LA called my local Sheriff's dept and had them check on me. But, after that, it's gone. I feel... something but don't know what. But it's gone. The anger, the hate, the sadness. I don't like it, because what I DO know I feel, is that I feel that I no longer want my wife any longer.

I feel betrayed and sick to my stomach, but the emotions are hiding and I'm afraid they're going to be gone again. For a very long time.

last time I did this, was after my first fiance left me. Dated in 7TH GRADE and lasted 7 years. She flipped and went crazy. Sound familiar? My life story. I stayed in my room at my parent's house for 2 years. I worked, came home, and stayed in my room till the next day. I didn't talk to ppl at work. I barely spoke to my parents. I was happy tho. Played my nintendo and sega and done my artwork and worked out (martial arts)

I'm an adult now and I doubt I'll have that kind of reaction again, but I didn't feel love again until many years later I met a beautiful blonde at walmart. I was shy to talk to women, I literally BUMPED INTO HER, no lie and I wouldn't shut up. I had her laughing and smiling. We agreed to talk. We went to waffle house with her friends. I ended up knowing them from school. We promised to date one another because we both felt chemistry. I told my friend I truly felt in love with her from the first time I saw her. .... She died weeks later on Christmas day in a car wreck.

I locked my feelings up once more. My wife, is the only person to have drawn those feelings out. After I started street racing and getting out, I dated many girls. NEVER found love for any of them. Afraid of getting hurt. I met my wife and she instantly brought love back out for me. It was after this that I found out she was 17. I was in my 20's. I didn't care. She didn't care.

my point? I'm feeling my emotions drawing back, like the tide of the ocean receding back into the deep.

With that said. She called today. I spoke to her normally. We talked for over 11 minutes. Was strange once I think about it, she normally texts. It wasn't until the 7th minute that she mentioned not being able to see the movie Jack Reacher because she was sick. (she is sick, not faking) And... I didn't care. Didn't bother me.

I'll come back and give an update. Maybe this is another trip but I honestly think I'm off the roller coaster. Now the only thing I wanna do is GTFO THE PARK!

Thanks guys. Keep your comments coming. Very useful.