In Limbo

[AJW]

Well right now she just speaks in absolute and vague terms that aren't helpful towards reconciliation, if she speaks at all. And since I'm trying to GAL and detach, I'm not bringing things up and asking her. Hopefully she'll be more vocal as MC continues. The reason for the separation, according to her, is so she can 'clear her head' and she hopes it will 'soften her heart' towards me.

When I say she's always been somewhat of a wayward spouse, I mean that her heart hasn't really been in the marriage and she doesn't put the work into the day-to-day realities of marriage. She wants love to 'feel natural' and I think she has this idea that true love is effortless and fairytale like. She's said things like, 'I've always gotten along with guys much better than women.' Well, that's a problem when you're married, because marriage is by nature a relationship with boundaries. If that's what she means by 'controlling', then don't let the door hit you on the way out.

In many ways, her actions and behaviors are more like the traditional man in a relationship. I'm the one that tries to have conversations about the relationship and work through things, while she tends to stonewall me because I'm 'smothering' her, etc.

But I certainly am making the changes that I know I need to make to be a better husband and person in general. I agree that I have been selfish, that I like to have my way. I need to be more flexible. I also need to be more sensitive when she does finally open up and tell me something. We have serious communication issues and always have. Unfortunately, I want to work through them, and she's spent the last two years planning her exit strategy.