I know my post was long! it bored even me, and I was the one who wrote it...but I will write a little more in hopes that someone might have some insight. I wonder sometimes if we are piecing things together because H is still here, we are still talking, going to therapy, friendly, or if it is just him going through the motions...waiting to make his move?
Last week when I was cleaning up I found the documentation for a newly-opened bank account hidden (not very well) behind a stack of books that needed to be put back on the shelf. He has opened an account in only his name. I asked him if he had anything to share with me? He had promised not to deceive or sneak around or betray me. He said--no...and then when he went downstairs and saw that everything was cleaned up he realized...I asked him if he remembered anything and he said--yes and told me about the account. I asked him if he was planning on transferring money (he cashed in some stocks overseas) to the account and he said maybe eventually. Over the course of the next few days he admitted that he already began doing this. I said that it was unethical to take our money and put it in his name, and he agreed--but felt that "our" money was "my" money. I said he was wrong.
I realize that he feels so ready to flee that he has to have his safety net. I realize that he loathes deep conversations--he feels like he's going to have a heart attack--and we had a very good conversation. I still think he's being unfair but I understand where he is coming from. We have decided to keep things light except for two scheduled 1-hour appointments with an agenda to talk about heavier things...(plus therapy=3 times) This means I can't ramble on and on (who me?) and we keep to the point. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut for so long, but it gives him space and me time to think before I just pour my heart out.
It seems like progress. slow. that's on my good days.
On my bad days my mind goes racing. He has betrayed me and lied to me so many times that I don't believe a word he s ays and then I feel like a lunatic.
