Sorry I took off last night but was exhausted. I started going back to the beginning with your posts. You stated that you wanted to save your M desperately. Do you still feel that way? Is that what you are still hoping for?
No, I don't still feel that way. I've changed such that I don't sit around pining for what seems impossible to achieve. I haven't slammed the door, I just don't fret over it like I used to.
The thing is (and why I consider myself a WAS) I could save my M. I could give H the sex he wants and follow him around while he did all of his interests, cater to his children and his family, throw my income into a joint checking account again so he could spend it all on toys or his kids again. I could, but I don't want to. BTDT. It's very unfulfilling.
I realized when I first came here that I was swimming against the tide. I wanted to change my H. I still do. I can change a ton about me, like the examples above, but it doesn't fix anything in the M -- for me. Oh it would definitely change the dynamics, but it wouldn't be anymore fulfilling than it used to be. If one the problems in my M is H's lying, how do I change that from my side? Like your H's drinking. What can YOU do on your side of the R to address his drinking problem?
