Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

The other thing I really struggle with is trying to get an objective view of our dynamics. This is what I was hoping to accomplish in MC. I feel like H labels me a lot. He is locked into his (mostly negative) point of view. I have a hard time separating my actual behavior from his perception of my behavior, if that makes sense. I can't tell what's real and what's just his opinion.

This is why sometimes I come across as "not owning" my own behavior. Because I don't really understand what's real and what isn't; I can't get a handle on what bothers HIM vs. what is obnoxious in general. I remember one time, very early on, we were at a dinner and he licked his knife. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Don't lick your knife" and he acted as though I had stood up at the table, tapped on my glass with MY knife and made a big announcement about it. Sure, maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all - but the flip side of that coin is communication is key.

I don't really trust H's opinion of my behavior, but maybe that's MY problem. On the one hand, if there's something that I'm doing that he doesn't like, I should stop. On the other hand, I feel like he makes a lot of unfair judgments - such as I was being hostile during the conversation today, when I felt justifiably upset.

For the record, I did call him later to apologize for being "hostile." I told him that this is a very serious subject and yes, I was upset. Also said I was working on my behavior in general. I don't know if it had any effect on him or not.