Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

SS, you are hilarious!

i'm giving up on telling him about it because i don't want to be his mother anymore. i'm so tired of him acting like a little boy. if his eating kills him, it kills him. it's his choice.

I think this hits the nail on the head - "I don't want to be his mother anymore", "I'm so tired of him acting like a little boy." Bingo!

Breakdown...

One of my DB coaches said something to me about becoming detached I will pass along. The basic concept is thinking about how you would behave divorced.

I think that's part of our problem - that I've been behaving "divorced" for a long time, I guess... seriously though, I get it and that makes good sense. I am trying to see my H as a co-parent, roommate, and financier, nothing more.

Bug -

This is what detaching means, letting the other person live their life. Sometimes we might not agree with their choices but it's their life. It doesn't mean we don't love them but that we love them enough to let them live their life.

Agree that this is the ideal, but I have a hard time standing by if someone is doing something destructive. Ok, a sandwich is hardly akin to smoking crack, but still... I guess there is a balance that both parties must be comfortable with. I do believe my H was reacting out of shame, but whatever. It's his life!!

In many of your posts you mention that you are done or that you can't be in a R with your H. Why do you stay? What are you getting out of this R?

This is still very true. I haven't wavered on this at all. I am physically here because this is my home and I don't want to leave my boys, nor do I want to uproot them. H has agreed to leave and now it's just a matter of him finding a place to live.

What I'm getting out of the R at this point is time with my boys, the ability to work part time, a comfortable place to live, my home. As I said, H is a co-parent, roommate and financier. But I'm not really happy with the current circumstances, obviously, so something will have to change soon.

Today we got in a big argument about where he is going to live. He went back to the idea of moving into our old house. Reminder that we are making 25% profit on the mortgage by renting this property, and the mortgage payment is not insignificant. He can't cover it in addition to our other expenses.

When he brought this up again, I got upset. If he insists on doing this, we'll have to take the kids out of private school, or he'll go deeper into debt, or he'll get behind on the mortage. All three terrible options. His argument? That the payment difference between our old house and some apartment isn't a big deal (it would be at least $1500 a month). Guess he's got a money tree growing in the yard!

Then when I got upset (thinking of those outcomes), he said I was being hostile. Granted, I was making my point pretty strongly and not mincing words. He then retracted his original statement and said he wanted to figure out a way that made sense for him to go back to our old house. This guy doesn't want to work on the R, but it literally too good to live in an apartment. He's going to drag all of us down with him, and I'm afraid that if he insists on moving back into that house I will have to file for D just to protect myself.